I went to alanon today, and the meeting really spoke to me. I feel sad, but I do feel like I am gaining perspective on my M problem. The more I see the reality of it all, the more I am knowing that I will be better off staying as far away from H as possible.
I believe, sometime next week - I will text H and let him know when a good time to call me would be about his Questions...as I just dont want to sit and talk to him face to face. It will only hurt me to see him. So I will insist we talk on the phone.
Today, I also went shopping with a friend for a dress for her wedding reception/celebration. It was nice to get my mind off things. Then when I got home, I took down all the pictures of H and I from around the house and replaced them with other wall hangings. I didnt cry, it felt right.
Tommorow, I am going shopping with my Mom in the a.m., then I have a baby shower for the fiance of one of my H's band member friends. I am still going to go, cuz we have been friends and sat at all the gigs together over the last 3 years. Then at night, I am going wiht my Brother to his A.A. open meeting to listen.
Then on Sunday, I am going to another baby shower for another one of the wifes from the band my H is in. Its a co-ed shower - but H will not be there (according to them), so I will go to support them. These two showers will be tough on me becuase they are all still close and friendly to my H (due to the band). But I will do my best to not cry, and when people ask about our sitch I will just say "I am letting go so I dont get dragged".
In the future, I will miss being around these girls at all the band gigs and I will miss the other guys in the band too- we called ourselves the "marblettes" cuz the bands name is "the lost marbles". I am no longer a marbelette, what a terrible feeling.
Then sunday evening I am getting together with 2 of my Best girl friends becuase I really need that girl-power right now.
It is so weird to me that I have 9 girlfriends that are all pregnant right now. We are all around the same age - mid thirties. I am a little jealous. I have always dreamed of having kids.
People at alanon told me today, they feel like this is a blessing for me from God, I have dealt with too much and If I can move on I am still young enough to start a new life and maybe find that fairytale I crave.
