Rollercoaster of love

[Denver_2010]

LP - I'm really, really sorry to hear that you are feeling like you are today. I COMPLETELY understand the emotions that you are experiencing and why your mind is drifting towards the thought that you may be ready to be done.

Your first sentence: "I [i]think[/i] I'm done"... why did you include the word 'think'? Or, why didn't you the word 'know'? ....

My guess... bc you still aren't anywhere close to be sure.

My point? Do NOT do anything drastic until you have a chance to process this new information and the new emotions that you are feeling.

Again, I understand completely. Over the past couple of weeks, I have gone back and forth bw being 'done' with my sitch to wanting to keep fighting. I go back and forth. And I've strongly considered that maybe I should start dating. Have even perused match. But the fact that I keep going back and forth tells me that I am not ready to do anything.

I asked myself this multipart question this afternoon:

1. Do I believe that if I continue the fight and continue to wait this out that my W will ultimately come back to me?

2. If so, how long am I willing to fight and to wait?

3. If so, am I willing to do so even if that means that W may resume A with OM during that time?

My answers:

1. Yes.

2. Indefinitely

3. I don't know.

The third part of that question is the hardest part to answer. Why? Bc the idea of W having an active A makes me violently ill and violently p!ssed. BUT, I have experienced having THAT conversation with W where she has told me that she has slept with someone else... I have experienced going through learning that after the fact... and I have learned that I do have the capability to forgive her.

All of that, combined with the knowledge that I played a HUGE part in why all of this is happening ... well, makes me extremely confused on the third part of my question to myself.

If I walk away when I am confident that W will come back eventually, when I know that I can wait indefinitely for that to happen... and when I know that I am capable of forgiving her for what happens in the meantime ... will I regret it??

Maybe that's the ultimate question?

Just some thoughts LP. We each have to come to our own answers to these questions.

BITS
Denver