Chris, it takes some courage for the WS to come here and admit his/her wrongs and seek help for their M. Please don't get discouraged and feel that you are being attacked here. Most people on the board have been hurt very badly, but I don't think it's meant to be a personal attack on you if/when they speak very plain in the posts. I was a WS when I came aboard and it took that talk for me to get my eyes open. I tried to "explain" why things happened. I didn't think I was justifing my EA, but in reality....I was trying to do just that very thing with the board members.

I know you are hurting but it's not the same as your W's pain. You are angry at yourself and you are scared that she'll D you. It took the people here to teach me how I had really hurt my H. If I tried to tell them how bad my H was...they would quickly tell me that NOTHING justified an A.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!