all of that happened in the PAST. It's the PAST that you're stuck in. And the MC isn't to blame for your break-up. It comes down to you and your H. But again that's all in the PAST.
What are you going to do in the PRESENT?
25yearsmlc is right. You have to choose to get up and do something about it. Stop living in the past and live for your future.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I found out therapist was going thru a d at the time she was counseling me. She would also say that she envied the life that i had, and i think she wanted to destroy it.
aside from how wacky & paranoid it sounds to think a mc would deliberately try to destroy your m...(I am shaking my head and asking God for strength as I write this, I am being tested I guess...) Your theory isn't just inaccurate, it's also self serving and keeps you from doing the WORK that forgiveness takes, AND the WORK that changing your attitude takes. You really don't want to dig inwardly do you? Bet there are no 180's...are there any? Did you READ the DB books? Haev you ever heard the phrase, "fake it til you make it"? IT WORKS! But yeah, you have to work for it to work.
Blaming the MC, for events of 4 years ago, is not realistic, and it's NOT relevant to TODAY...
If anything, I can see why you'd be upset with yourself for being a depressed drag, and letting others tell you what to do instead of taking charge of your life-- (I mean, You couldn't sleep with your h b/c of the tv?--um, NOPE...My h snores like all get out. SO I BOUGHT EAR PLUGS, and you could have done that too. I'm 51 and have peri menopausal "issues" too. I went to see two doctors b/c I wanted my libido back! We are not helpless. And your mc said you should sep for "minor" things you were working on???? Not sleeping with your h for 6 months probably did not feel minor to him, but I'm guessing and...1) I don't buy it and 2) even if true, not her fault. YOURS for not getting a new mc, or for letting her "decide" your life, or for not explaining yourself better.
Stop repeating this pattern of helplessness and blame, b/c it keeps you stuck in a bad place. It's also not consistent.
On one hand you say you won't forgive yourself but in the next breath you blame the mc, or the OW and once in awhile, your h....Look, you are in a dark place you have to get yourself out of. So get a grip. (No, I am NOT someone who tells others to "cast out demons" and sit on my hands hoping God declares others to be evil. I live on earth, and I work on the plank in my own eye...)
If you really felt your depression were responsible for the separation, (and it probably was) why wouldn't you do whatever it takes to change? You want to have this same attitude ETERNALLY?...I don't believe that. You are in some funk or rut, and if you are not worth it yourself, then you need to put your son's welfare ahead of your pain, and do whatever it takes to move forward.
Please, your son is still watching.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Do you see how you're coming from a FEAR FILLED, distrusting, angry, resentful, dark place? That darkness cannot be your guide in life.
It's coloring how you see the world, and the past and apparently the future.
Please let the LIGHT WITHIN, grow and lighten your world, brighten your view and lighten your heart, and guide you. God Bless
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
thank you for taking the time to post your long reply. I text h last week some negative things i know i shouldnt have. How do i forgive and get rid of this anger? I text him pleasant things today and he responded nicely. I should probably leave him alone now right and focus on my life., like volunteering? It just hurts me knowing that h is going away with ow instead of with his family.
Hi rys--
You have been getting wonderful support and advice.
Give yourself and your husband a gift. NEVER let yourself text those unpleasant things again. You CAN control it. If you have issues to work out with your H, work it by calling or emailing and getting together to work it out.
The past is the past. Move forward.
THinking of you, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I went to psychologist today he said he thinks i should file because h could be hiding money and if i wait to long i could get screwed financially. He said i might regret waiting. i don't know what to do. I wish my state had legal separation but they don't.
Is there any reason why your psychologist is talking about your marriage? What did he say about YOU and YOUR problems? For you to just pinpoint that in your conversation with him, it just fuels your paranoia.
Leave the financials to a lawyer. Have them figure it out. You're going to a psychologist to heal you remember?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
why not let the lawyers handle the legal matters, and the psychologists handle the psychological issues? Do you see how unusual this looks?
Rysmom, I'm all for you doing something different, but, this just seems strange.
What's your L say?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Is there any reason why your psychologist is talking about your marriage? What did he say about YOU and YOUR problems? For you to just pinpoint that in your conversation with him, it just fuels your paranoia.
Leave the financials to a lawyer. Have them figure it out. You're going to a psychologist to heal you remember?
Good morning...The fact your discussing financials with the wrong person...that is your lawyers job not your pschologists Good luck
