Detach Dog

[25yearsmlc]

Don't sweat the small stuff 9,

OM is small stuff. I swear it's ironic you get so bugged about him when that LONG post I sent you (I SO hope you'll read it again) discusses the fact that he's a symptom, not a cause. You know this, but it's simpler to blame him I think.

ANYHOW, let me remind you that it is NOT preferable for the OM to be a "winner" -some tall, dark and uber handsome SMART guy with 2 PhDs, earning big bucks and stock options, and showering her with bling and vacations and cars, and giving your kids cool toys and trips and offering to pay for their college and sniffing that "you can help if you want..."

and he's also a published famous author, and athlete, a celebrity!! And He LOVES HER SO MUCH he treats her like a queen...everyone loves HIM and understands her choice...so obvious, they are soul mates...

9, would you really prefer that scenario?

I suspect your thoughts are more like "geez, if a loser like HIM is appealing to her, wth is wrong with ME??" But that's about your ego, some, and HER ego a lot, b/c she wants to have the emotional upper hand in the R. So she dates "down". Make sense?

ALSO, your w has a crazy (as in mentally ill and dysfunctional) family and emotional problems galore -which your son is forgetting as he idealizes the "Walton Family Times" he misses...Maybe get him around YOUR side of the family, so he learns what normal people do with conflicts and DROPPING matters after numerous discussions...or do they re-hash things too?

A whole bunch of what you spend your energy on, keeps your boys focus on that too. That's too bad. Your w needs help and I hope she gets it. But you simply must take things less personally and just be the best man you can be, and leave the results up to HIM...and let your boys know that you are doing that. I pray they won't keep having thoughts of you in their heads when they are trying to have fun at a concert...that's sad. Try to reassure them you don't need their pity b/c you are SO GAL and moving forward and figuring out all the positives in your life, okay? I mean, that breaks my heart.

I am not judging your choice to "date" or whatever. But it does seem needy. Then again, Your timeline is confusing to me b/c your reply was confusing when I asked you when everything started and why DBing seemed "new" to you. You kind of jumped around with dates and your signature block has different ones and all that.

Regardless- you have to be honest with other people (OWs) or you're just using them and that's not cool. But if the OW knows the deal, and IF YOU can handle things not working out...or working out, for that matter, then what's the harm?

Be careful with her heart, and yours...and your boys'-NO introductions please. They'll reel from a new woman in your life...