Tipper, I am not sure that you can DB with someone who is an alcoholic. Until they decide to break the cycle of their addictive and destructive behaviour they will continue to hurt those around them. Their addiction, which comes from their brokeness continues to drive their behaviour, even when sober they know it isn't a good idea.
As for the rest you are on a journey out of co-dependency, and one of the problems is that we find an equilibrium in the co-dependent state which we can sort of live with. If you think of yourself as in some way needing [I hesitate to say addicted to] this way of life, because it is what you know, it might become clearer.
Divorce isn't that bad. Going through it is emotionally tough. I thought it would be the end of the world, but it really is the start of something that can be better for us. Good friends help, but we have to walk it alone.
Combatting loneliness is hard - acknowledge the feeling, and do what you need to deal with it. Gradually you may come to like being alone.
All the feelings you have described are normal feelings. I think we have all felt them, and gradually it all gets better as we acknowledge fully what we feel.
Feeling rejected and unloveable is a sure sign of abuse by another. You are not unloveable, and you stuck it out with an alcholic for many years which makes you a heroine in my book.
Give yourself a hug. Life will get better, I promise. People said that to me in my darkest times, and I thought 'Oh yeah perhaps for you'. I will not say that every day is sunshine and roses, but many are, and the others I can deal with. Hugs.
