Read everything people have written here and think deeply on this...I want to give a perspective that might be what your wife is thinking.
If I found out my husband had lied about an affair, I found out from the other woman, and then I went out with friends, don't think that her asking if you want food is a signal that she still cares about you.
Think of it this way she probably asked out of habit than interest- since it really f_cks with your mind the person you thought was sweet husband had no remorse climaxing inside of another woman. On some level she still has to process that you lied to her and I don't know how long it might take your wife to do that, but I think I can say that it probably takes more than a couple of weeks.
I think what you just wrote crystallizes what I feel like I had wanted to express to my ex but could never quite get the words around it.
You don't want a wife, you want a mom to take care of you and say it'll be all right, and ooopsie, did you trip and your pants fell down with the OW. Tsk tsk.
If I asked if he wanted food and he said yes or no, it would have pushed me further away from him because she's still nurturing you when you should be doing everything you can FOR HER TO FEEL BETTER.
She's still doing for you, and you are sucking it up. You should be asking her what are things you can do around the house or - imagine this - doing nice things on your own without being told. And the passive aggressive part of "maybe I should let her divorce me so she can find someone better" is yet another child-like response.
You keep acting like "oh, I don't know what to do" and "how can I save my marriage, it's sooooo hard." Do you think she's mad at me? Should I send her a note - do you want to stay married - yes or no, check one (and can I borrow your homework, I'm not sure on this long division thing).
Listen, let's get real about this.
You have a sophisticated complex mind and you are acting like you don't know how to tie your shoes.
You had an affair where you concealed time, emails, sex, emotions from your wife. You had to take different routes on roads, buy gas, I bet you even got new clothes. You have the capability to do complex tasks with surgical detail for concealment. Now you are acting like a three-year old, should I tell her no? Ooh, I didn't write an email to her this morning, I need advice on what to do.
