Scylla yes ive done 180"s went dark done everything nothing works. She just says she doesn't feel about me like she should her husband. She even told my buddy last weekend to find me a woman but in the next breath ask where i was he told her the beach and she said who is he at the beach with.
I think your next step should be to phone a DB counsellor and get organised about how you want to approach this. Things can take a long time. If you're at all interested you can read about my own ups and downs. I thought I had tried everything too, problem in my sitatuion is/was it's taking a long , long time to see any movement forward and what movement there is appears to be glacial. Perhaps that's what's going on too in your situation. If your W didn't care she wouldn't ask questions about who you're with or where you are. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. If she didn't have some feeling for you she'd be disininterested. You still have an opportunity to DB your butt off, and get some clear perspective and vision on how to do it properly and well.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Scylla yes ive done 180"s went dark done everything nothing works. She just says she doesn't feel about me like she should her husband. She even told my buddy last weekend to find me a woman but in the next breath ask where i was he told her the beach and she said who is he at the beach with.
I've been separated before and did the 180 and it does work. But it is works differently for every couple. Some take longer than others. Every person doing the 180 has the same goal, to better themselves first and then the marriage if possible.
Scylla is correct
"If your W didn't care she wouldn't ask questions about who you're with or where you are"
At least there is small part of her that still cares. My H couldn't care less, and can't wait for me to move out and move on. So he can be "happier"
Me: 28 H:30 M:19/03/09 Renewed vows in home country: 19/03/10 Together: 7 1/2 years Married : 2yr 3 months S:26/06/10 reconciliation started: 1/10/10 Separation 2: 4/5/2011
well her parents just gave her money to get another car so i guess thats the end of us. she has also blocked my number so i cant contact her. guess this is the end
I understand you're likely feeling angry and sad. However your self defeating language here will not gain you anything.
Your thoughts and your beliefs create your reality. What can you think, what can you do today to make things better for you? What can you do to be good/kind/loving to yourself?
I was told this early on and I'm not claiming it's easy to do. It's hard to put the focus on you and bootstrap yourself to a better place mentally.
Your mind wants to continually drift to how your partner hurt you, what they did, you wonder what they were/are thinking...all of it.
Stop.
It doesn't profit you and only [censored] you down into a sense of helplessness and despair.
You've made mistakes. That's how we learn. Own them. If she said something about your behaviour or your character that made you angry or you felt a 'sting' examine why. Is it just a little bit true?
Change your behaviour and your attitudes to something that edifies you, builds you, strengthens you, and makes you a better person.
We are all in the same boat here bailing with you. We may or may not get our spouses to understand us and return. We're all working to learn, heal and better ourselves. We all hope.
It's your choice.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I might also add...your goal is not so much to be understood as to understand your spouse.
Fact is you see life and reality through your colored and dirty, smudged lenses, and she sees life and reality through her differently colored, dirty and smudged lenses.
You're looking at the same thing in daylight but your brains are coming up with different PERSPECTIVES.
I wish you peace, calm and hope in the coming days.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Scylia your right I have to take care of me and abopt the opinion ill be fine with or without her. Just kinda difficult cause her friends keep contacting me saying that she does love me and that she has talked about coming back but then another one of her friends will contact me saying that she is 100 percent done and that she just dosnt wanna be married then she will ask my buddies where I am and who I with after saying yall need to find him a woman. Who knows
My sincere suggestion is you stop listening to 3rd parties in regard to your very intimate and personal relationship with your W.
Don't talk to friends or family about it except in the most superficial way. They cannot help you and they too have differing perspectives and vested interests.
Vent here if you must. This is really the only place I feel I can do so freely without judgement. Find a trusted counsellor who has both your interests at heart,is supportive of marriage, but is mainly there to listen to you, offer an objective eye and proactive strategies for dealing with the situation you find yourself in.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I know im gonna get bashed but here goes. Long story short met a wonderful woman has an excellent career and a three year old little girl. Husband walked out on her when their baby was one year old. we are just talking and casually dating. Well stbxw finds out about it and goes ballistic talking bout i cant believe you would do that were still married and says she thinks it can work now. women will never cease to amaze me.
