2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Augtan]

Wow..I had no clue the family therapist would say that, I know they would in our case cause we always end up fighting and I cry, because we were still intimate and he stayed at my house and such, but if things are good and you get along around them, I would think it would show them that you can get along and such.

I understand it might be confusing too though. But, I have had several adult friends whos parents did this when they were kids and even had holidays with everyone including step parents and step kids, and they seemed to appreciate it and like that they knew that their parents could be in the same room for graduations, weddings, etc.

I finally have detatched from my ex. I just hung up with him and that was the first time I had had any real contact with him in weeks. We did have issues with our D18 and I talked to him briefly then and he texted me and emailed me on Mother's Day, but that is it, nothing like before and I haven't been anxious or counting the "no contact days" etc. He is a lost soul and is very broken. He doesn't want to do anything about it and he doesn't even want to change his lifestlye to have his kids in his life. For the last four years I have tried to be good to him and such, and now I am finally ready to make it only about me and my kids, he is out of the picture. He had his chance and he blew it, actually many chances. He comes up here in a week for D18's HS graduation, he is not invited to the family party, he is not staying at my house, I hope he doesn't even speak to me. There is nothing left to say or do, that is how real divorce is and we are really divorced!! It is beyond sad and my D12 is very messed up by all that has gone on. She will never be who she would have been had this not happened, but now I just have to pick her up and do the best I can to help her. My life was about trying to fix him so my kids could have their dad back, trying to show him I had changed and that he should want me and the kids back, I thought if I could succeed in that it would benefit my kids so much, but I can't do it and I have to stop trying, it is only about my kids now and I will not walk on egg shells for him anymore.

Sorry I hijacked with my own update, but it has been so long and I was glad to see you back on here too. I have been away for awhile and it has helped me detatch and move on. Hang in there!

A