Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

I am doing ok. It was hard to watch H take his stuff and pack up more stuff. Just more hurt. I was very angry with him as he was doing it. Not yelling or anything, but I could feel the anger coming from me. I know the anger was just to cover the hurt. I knew that I couldn't be relieved about this being over for long.

Monday I will be signing the papers and then it will get filed. As long as the judge waives the trial it could be finalized by the end of next week. H will also have all of his stuff out of the house by Wednesday. I am glad, but also sad. I just really never wanted any of this.

CTH, you asked if I would choose H again if I met him, and I say I didn't really choose him to begin with. When we first met, I couldn't stand him and thought he was a jerk, but as we hung out every other day at school for half the school day (we had band together and then I tutored him and a bunch of his friends during our "homeroom" time because they were all also my band friends or my neighbors). After hanging out during school and starting to talk outside of school during football games or basketball games, somehow I started liking him. He grew on me and we just fit. Where he lacked, I was there to help, and where I lacked he filled it. A truly perfect fit. Would I choose him again if he ever asked to come back? I might. Maybe that is being naive and young.

This week will definitely be a long week. Plus H has S this weekend and next because of us switching for Mother's day weekend. If the D is finalized this week, I do know a few friends I may get to hang out with because they wanted to celebrate when it was all done. We'll see. Right now I am just enjoying some peace and quiet without any worries (even all of the housework is already done). I enjoy the peace. It is hard to be alone, but I enjoy the time to reflect and look at me, and have time to cry if I want or some times and probably tomorrow morning listen to my 80s pop, sing, dance, and smile

[awest1217]

H is starting to get angry with me because I keep asking him about the stuff in the house. The movers come on Wednesday, but yesterday he came to get some more things and left some empty boxes. I asked him what they were for because my house is already messier than I like because of his boxes being upstairs instead of the basement because "it will cost more for the movers to go up and down the stairs". He said there were a few games he wanted, although he told me numerous times there was nothing he wanted. He actually said many times when I asked him to get his stuff "there is nothing there I want since I have lived without it for this long".

Now he is looking through tools and taking some, which he told me he didn't want any of them because he already bought more. (must be nice to just be able to buy stuff whenever you want) Then now he wants some of the games. I don't want the ones he wants so it isn't a problem, but now that he has one month to get stuff he is saying he wants this or that. It frustrates me beacuse I have been asking for months or even a year for him to go through stuff and pick out what he wants and doesn't want, but he refused and said he didn't want anything. Now he wants to take his time and go through stuff, which upsets me because I planned on having some of the stuff, and if he would have told me before he wanted it, it would have been packed already. UGH!

I am just overly sensitive with everything ending. Some hours (and honestly it is hours) I am so excited to move on, then others I am angry again about how he could do this to me (especially since OW is now hanging out with S a lot and H didn't tell me...I guess our communication when it comes to S is still one sided), then I am sad...just all over the place.

Today I sign the papers. They will be filed tomorrow of Wednesday and I am praying the judge signs them without a trial.

Then Wednesday the movers come and I have to direct them as to what to get because H is "busy". So maybe by the end of the week this will be over.

[Kalni]

I am sorry you are feeling upset. It is to be expected. Try and focus on the good that will be coming your way when you are done with "loose ends". A week isnt that much considering how long you have been in this position.
By the way, you set the rules regarding communication, you set what is apsolutely important and where your boundaries are, people get trained like dogs do.
Take care of you
xxx
K

[awest1217]

Thanks K. The times I am doing well is when I think about how I am about to be done with all the loose ends, and can move on. I am mostly excited about getting to go out on a date. Nothing serious, but just an opportunity to be taken out by a guy sounds like fun. I already go out with my girlfriends once a month or once every couple months as time permits.

My problem is I am trying to communicate with H, but he won't. I am trying to tie up loose ends, but he won't. He wants to just keep asking for more and more even though I have asked for months previously to get this done. As for OW, we both agreed to let the other know when significant others would be a larger part of S's life, but he won't do it. I guess that means when S starts being around someone for me and I don't tell him he can't get mad. Not that I would do that because being the better person is important to me, but I could.

[BeingMe]

Can you not just say "no, you've had enough!"

[awest1217]

Not sure what you mean?

When it comes to OW being around S, I can't control it if H isn't going to tell me because it is during his weekends with him.

With the stuff, I have told him no, but since the D is not final yet, I don't want him to renig on stuff that is important to me so I am not getting too harsh. Right now he mostly says he doesn't know if I got everything because he hasn't gone through the boxes. I have not been nice through this, but I haven't told him no yet either, also because what he is asking for is stuff that is technically "his", and in the agreement he has 1 month after the decree to get it all out. Then whatever is left is mine. I am figuring after tomorrow it will all be over and H won't ask for more.

Papers are signed and being filed probably as I type. Now just waiting on the judge. I am praying he just signs it and signs it today, but my L said it could be a couple of days before we know.

[awest1217]

Last night was LONG!

First off, my students are all going crazy. I don't know if it is because of the cooler, wetter weather in this area so they haven't been able to get out much like normal, but all the students are more crazy than normal.

Last night I get home from work with S about 10 minutes early because I knew the movers were coming. The movers were already there. They came to the door and were really nice. They talked to S and played with him for a minute as they asked where the piano was. I showed them and showed them the boxes. They said they were never told about boxes, but would take them (one crisis averted).

Then the main guy comes in and starts telling me about the price and asks me to sign a paper. I said I was not the one to set this up so I can't sign and I am not the one paying for this. He says he can't move anything without a signature so I call H and tell him. He starts to get mad and yells at me that the lady told him that he didn't have to be there (I would want to be there if it were me because I would want to make sure everything was ok...but that is me). I give the phone to the head mover who is being very polite and trying to calm H down and explain he is just following the protocol.

He tells H he will call his supervisor and get the ok to move everything without a signature because I was NOT going to sign, but I explained that to the movers nicely and they understood. I then keep talking to H to figure out what to do and he says "I did this because I can't be there" and continues to yell at me. I tell him that I have nothing to do with this and he needs to stop. I stay on the phone just so I can tell him if the movers can move the stuff or not and he keeps yelling at me about how they better not charge him for these 5 minutes and blah blah blah. The mover gets the ok and talks to H who keeps him of the phone another 4 minutes yelling about payment.

Finally the guys can start working and within 15 minutes everything was out. They were so nice and I were nice to them.

Then I set out to reorganize where the stuff was taken, which didn't take too long, but was still labor intensive. I was done by 6 and then dinner and baths and to bed.

After H yelled at me, he text me three times last night to say I am really sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I am so sorry. Blah blah blah. I haven't responded because at this point I don't have to say "oh it is ok, don't worry about it." because it is not ok and he should worry about it. He canNOT treat me the way he did when we were married. As soon as the movers started moving (10 minutes total) I was off the phone with H, didn't say bye or anything and I went on my way. I will not let him think he can treat me this way ever again.

Nice thing is that now everything is out of the house so S has a ton of space to play. I still know nothing about the D. The L said it could take a couple of days so I am hoping to hear today or tomorrow. I think this is why this week is taking so long for me. I just want to know if the judge signed without a hearing or not. I am praying it is without a hearing.

[mishka422]

Holy moley! I can't imagine having a moving company coming to get my stuff and not being there to insure they got what they were supposed to. None of this is your responsibility and you have been nothing but accommodating through all of the mess your H created. FAAAAAR TOOOOO ACCOMMODATING!

Glad to hear you didn't accept his treatment of you. No one should ever be allowed to treat you like that married or not.

Nice to have it all out and have the extra room though.

[ClingingToHope]

I'll give you the flipside argument -- even if he caused the D -- finality still hurts.

In my case, I wanted my wedding rings back because they were my grandmother's. STBXW left them on a table for me. So I got what I wanted -- and it still hurt.

So I can see why your STBXH didn't want to be there. He shouldn't have yelled and screamed, but I wouldn't have wanted to be there either.

When I got my stuff, it was while STBXW was at work and I did my own moving.

[awest1217]

CTH, I understand why he didn't want to be there and I think it is cowardly of him because he is the one who left and he is the one who wanted the D and he is the one who cheated. Plus as mishka said, this was moving his piano, a family heirloom, I can't believe he would allow that to be moved without him being there because if anything happens when they move it...he can't sue them because he didn't approve that is was ok before it was moved.

Mishka, I know I have done way too much, but now that is over.

Still nothing from the L...