Log entry Yesterday was amazing! I don't know what happened. Long story short went to guitar lessons had a blast. Then came home and we spent the day together, did a lot errands together. Not sure what happened but she was super fun, and nice and sweet all day. In fact she could have lost her temper on soooo many occasions but she didnt. (two were actually legitimate things I did wrong) instead she kept her cool.
Yesterday went so well, I got a little paranoid o.O
She is probably excited about her move and is on her best behavior. Enjoy!
A couple of thoughts.
One is for you to do something "romantic" at your new location. Carrying her across the threshold might be good or having something like a romantic restaurant dinner planned or flowers delivered. Either could backfire, but if she is focused on a "new/fresh" start in a new location, she might have some plans as well.
If things continue to go this well, she is likely going to want to ML at some point. If so, you might want to be mentally prepared both for that and how you will handle it. She could freak out, have morning after regrete, or it could be wonderful. How you react may have a significant role in how things end up.
One of the things that helped my wife transition from SSM to ML was foot massage that I gave her. I know your wife is different than mine. But I am reminded of the scene in Pulp Fiction where Travolta talks about giving his gang bosses wife a foot massage. He explains that it is only a foot massage, then he goes on to say that a foot massage is never really just a foot massage. I tend to agree with him. But be carefuly as you don't want to push her away or freak her out.
You might want to discuss this with your IC prior to moving.
Again, enjoy things, you have certainly earned some good time (based on what you had to put up with and on all that you have learned and put into action).
I wish you happiness and that you enjoy the fruits of your GAL and DB'ing.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Ok So my paranoia was correct something is going on. Yesterday was the second day in a row where she didn't completely lose her temper over the little things I do wrong. To be honest that had been weirding me out, especially since there hadn't necessarily been an increase in affection either. Well it all came out this morning, she calmly told me that I had left the fan on in the guest room overnight. I tried apologizing, but she said "what's the point you're never going to change...." she didn't sound angry but slightly resentful. Sigh I knew she was bottling it in. I think it might be because I stood up to her and told her that yelling solves nothing. So while there has been no yelling there has been bottling. Which knowing her kills any chance of intimacy. She has been very upbeat, but I wouldn't call it loving.
I hate how I will do things like leave the lights on all the time. I more hate how this is a pet peeve of hers. Sometimes I feel like our lives are just a list of pet peeves to be broken.
The worst part is her insistence on somehow punishing me for those pet peeves, whether it's yelling or becoming less emotionally available.
Ok putting things into perspective though she has been very nice for the last 3 days, I just hope she isn't bottling up too much. I'm probably over exaggerating. To be honest I have been slipping on sOme stuff around the house, and she hasnt blown up. Which is really good. I just worry about what she said this morning. One of the things she wanted for me to change was for me to not be so absent minded. Now I know this sounds ridiculous but it is a real problem for me. My parents and even my coworkers have complained about it in the past.
It's very frustrating since my absentmindedness seems to be one of the last keys to this puzzle. It's something I want to work on M or not. Hate doing things like losing my keys, or leaving doors unlocked, or leaving the milk out, or not changing the toilet paper roll. The list goes on and on. Why can't i seem to remember doing these simple tasks.
Why can't i seem to remember doing these simple tasks.
I used to be like you. Family joke was I'd lose my butt if it wasn't attached.
The answer for me is that I was living my life unconsciously, mostly on autopilot. Perhaps you're there too.
I was so deep in an alternate life inside my own head it did not connect with the here and now. There was so much chatter in my head, I really don't pay attention to what needs doing.
I misplaced my keys constantly. Was double and triple checking things to make sure they were off or locked. So much time wasted.
I now know where everything is at pretty much any time. Everything has a home, and I'm concious when I'm switching off that iron, that light or locking that door. I KNOW I've done it, there is no guessing anymore or checking except on rare occasions when I get distracted by something more pressing.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Sorry mixed up the tenses here: I was so deep in an alternate life inside my own head it did not connect with the here and now. There was so much chatter in my head, I really don't pay attention to what needs doing.
It should read: I was so deep in an alternate life inside my own head it did not connect with the here and now. There was so much chatter in my head I really didn't pay attention to what needed doing.
Also, I tended to procrastinate, which made remembering what to do harder.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Three words. Mindfulness, organisation, routine. For example:
I'm mindful and when I put my keys away, I make a mental note: the keys are in my right hand pocket of my jacket, my jacket is always hung up by the door. In addition I have chosen one consistent place to leave them if I'm not wearing a jacket. I use a carabiner to clip them to the handle of my purse.
Same with light switches. When I leave a room it's automatic now to switch off everything. I eat, the dirty dish goes into the dishwasher right away when I'm done.
As for toilet paper, when it runs out I immediately replace the roll and always keep three extra rolls in each bathroom. When they run out I immediately replace those three rolls.
I have labelled containers or designated spots for pretty much everything.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I'm in a similar boat buddy It amazes me how my H. sees me as a dragon that needs to be appeased.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
