You are still here because you choose to be, as do I and any others who have "dropped the rope".
Before anything further can happen, we need to heal. As jb says, you need a breather, need to GAL, and are probably where you need to be... right now...
It was BTM in his topic who said that he didn't know if he could ever forgive, that he was happy to be angry right now, and that while he may end up forgiving some things, he may never forgive everything.
Personally, I don't think I can ever forgive my W of her A. Maybe I might one day. Maybe I need to choose to work towards that... one day... It's not so much forgiving her of the A. It's forgiving myself for being so stupid... for not being more the H my W wanted so that the A didn't happen... for being so stupid... for letting myself be cheated on, yet again, by someone I wanted to be with... and forgiving myself for being so stupid...
Anyhow, it is at this time that we can truly pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin a new life. The question is: Who, or rather HOW will you be, in this new life?
To me, the question will be: Will I be the best H a woman could have, or will I just be the same H my W left? Will I proceed in bittersville, as a paranoid jerk who won't let someone get close enough? Or can I be a person who once again can trust well enough to enter into an R and M?
Very important, among the questions we must ask ourselves moving forward, as well as the actions that we do and make stick so we learn and grow.
