Can I close the door and leave it unlocked?

[ninelives]

Truth is Islander, i dont think you really know Unless it happens; and it aint happening any time soon so I suggest you stop wasting your energy about it.

IF you are don, then be done, if you think there is a hope,then put that away until you have to take it out.

Keep GAl and doing what you have been doing. You will come out of this fine. You know you will. Its just a matter of time.

Try and have some fun in your life.

9

[islander]

The truth is 9, I don't think there is any hope. It seems as she has some serious problems, and it hurts me to acknowledge that. How can a good mother do what she has done and think it is ok. She hardly ever spends time with her D. And her D is literally crying out to her. If she was still being a good mother, it would give me some hope. Buy she is not. If that doesn't get thru to her, I don't have a reason to have hope.

I am moving on. I am not ready to file for D yet, but one day, I will be.

[ninelives]

Sometimes, when they first start out with OM ,and God only knows how long it lasts, they became totally selfish and forget about almost everything else except her own needs. Almost hedonistic or so I have read. It cant last forever.

Dont wait for her Islander, If she comes out of tis and you are still around, then she is lucky.

Just keep doing what you are doing but keep the emphasis off of her. It doesnt matter what she is up to.

9

[islander]

I think I am finally there 9. And I am not fighting it. I am starting to feel good again, and I like it

[~ kd ~]

Good place to get to, Islander. While this is a place to bust D, it is also a place to heal and grow.

I must say I still do not appreciate "what will happen, will happen when it does" or however that can be phrased. I still fully believe that what happens, happens because we choose to make it happen and work towards it. If one is not working towards "it", then one is simply moving forward.

Love IS a choice. M is a choice. D is a choice. I choose love, and it will not be with my W unless we both choose to work on it. Because while it begins and takes only one... the results from one effort in my sitch have been negative.

[~¤DG¤~]

I think I am finally there 9. And I am not fighting it. I am starting to feel good again, and I like it

Islander, it makes me so happy to read this.
You deserve to feel good, and you deserve to be happy.

[islander]

Kaffe, I don't even feel like busting this D anymore. Maybe, MAYBE me backing off and pulling away will draw my W closer to me, and it will change the way that I feel. Maybe it won't. To be honest, I don't care right now. My old M is dead and gone.

I will love and marry again one day, and my next love will reap all of the benefits.

I think it really changed for me when I accepted my sitch for what it was. Then, I really believed I would love again, and not be jaded by my current sitch. The circle ends here.

[jbnati]

Islander it sounds to me like you just flat dab wore out over your sitch. At the very least, you need a breather. Just keep on working on GAL'ing. Pulling back is probably where you need to be right now. You are wisely giving it some time before you finally throw in the towel completely. So, I think you are where you need to be right now.

[~ kd ~]

What jb said...

And I will add:

You are still here because you choose to be, as do I and any others who have "dropped the rope".

Before anything further can happen, we need to heal. As jb says, you need a breather, need to GAL, and are probably where you need to be... right now...

It was BTM in his topic who said that he didn't know if he could ever forgive, that he was happy to be angry right now, and that while he may end up forgiving some things, he may never forgive everything.

Personally, I don't think I can ever forgive my W of her A. Maybe I might one day. Maybe I need to choose to work towards that... one day... It's not so much forgiving her of the A. It's forgiving myself for being so stupid... for not being more the H my W wanted so that the A didn't happen... for being so stupid... for letting myself be cheated on, yet again, by someone I wanted to be with... and forgiving myself for being so stupid...

Anyhow, it is at this time that we can truly pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin a new life. The question is: Who, or rather HOW will you be, in this new life?

To me, the question will be: Will I be the best H a woman could have, or will I just be the same H my W left? Will I proceed in bittersville, as a paranoid jerk who won't let someone get close enough? Or can I be a person who once again can trust well enough to enter into an R and M?

Very important, among the questions we must ask ourselves moving forward, as well as the actions that we do and make stick so we learn and grow.

[islander]

I can forgive my W, and I can forgive myself. I don't want to be an angry bitter person.

I believe that God has a plan for me, and this is part of his plan. I don't have to understand it, I just have to trust in Him.

I know I will never be the same H again. Not even close. I wasn't even that bad, but I am not going to say I was perfect. I know where I went wrong. I saw it coming, I just didn't believe it would happen, and thought I had time. That was my biggest mistake.