Of Men or of Angels

[Truegritter]

What am I entitled to? She is my wife that makes me entitled to what?

Absolutely nothing.

My marriage makes me obligated?

To what I define. What I choose to give or not give.

Her choices? Are hers.

Would they be what I choose. Maybe. Maybe not.

If they aren't am I entitled to some contrition or apology from her?

Only if I wish to remain tied to that. Only if I wish to remain stuck and hang my peace and happiness on the action of another.

Bad behavior? My choice to be the victim of that.

Boundary? Only until you understand the above. Boundary is control. Control? Only yourself. The rest is an exercise of futility...

...you will live in fear of what lies beyond the boundary.

If not you will forever be vulnerable to that which your boundary seeks to protect.

Demand respect? only of your SELF.

Give? what defines love for YOU. Choose? what your choices speak about YOU

Live? With peace, dignity and grace.

That is what I forgot.

To this I want share

YOU need your freedom back and rubbing her face in the A or your pain or whatever solves nothing.

It ties you both to the hurt.

Neither of you can move past it. Neither wants to feel like they caused this.

But you are most likely to be able to see this as a cumulation of events and accept it as such.

As I seem really fond of analogies, consider any airplane crash you ever saw reenacted.

There is usually no single event that you can point at and say "Aha!!"

It's this little thing added to that backup that failed plus human error and weather, etc.

If both of you are looking for THAT smoking gun, you will miss what really happened. And never solve it.

I'm not saying I am there yet either but I believe that it's in this somewhere.

Only when you are willing to see accept ALL of it; the hundreds of little things that we've done or said (or not done or said) that CUMULATIVELY created this are you in a place to forgive yourself and them.

We're human and imperfect.

I hope he doesn't mind me sharing that.

I deserve better? Yes I do BUT because I choose it and not because my W is choosing something different than I want.

If I acted differently to her pain and struggles....

Would I be here?

I don't know and it doesn't matter because it happened and we are here. I do deserve better

And so does she.

Anyone does because this is a pile of sh!t I think we all would agree.

And we control when we climb on top of the pile and say

"I will not live in this pile of sh!t!"

And walk of the pile without a concern for who piled it so high or who placed more of their crap on it to build it up.

Sh!t is sh!t no matter how you measure it.