Affair (continued)

[25yearsmlc]

and Chris,

before you think we are too hard on you, and or, before we are, here's one
last issue to bear in mind.

We are here to support the marital recon efforts if it's possible. And I think it IS. I'm guessing (and it IS a guess) that she'll need things from you for reassurance that your A was NOT a reflection of something that will keep happening (e.g., you feel "trapped" by having a family, or you have poor coping tools for stress, etc). So, whatever it is, you have to make it clear that "it" no longer applies. As in, NOT happening again. Make sense?

Regardless Chris, I don't want you to decide before really trying, for some time, that you are not sure enough of the results (IOW you are not guaranteed any "reward" for your efforts) to even make the effort.

Some people say things like "what's the point? He/She'll NEVER forgive me" and they actually feel victimized. They see no pattern there. The same attitude that justified the A in the first place ("Spouse doesn't give ME enough attention/love, so I gave in to temptation...partly/mainly HIS/HER fault, OR, they thought "just this once, OR, "hey, others do it, on balance I'm still a great catch"...etc)

And in some ways it would seem easier to start fresh with someone who hasn't been hurt by you. But Don't fool yourself & take the lazy way out. You'll be settling for a lesser woman and worse, you'll be a lesser man.
[b]
If you make the efforts, which may sometimes feel Herculean, to make the needed changes in you, you will be rewarded, even if she does not take you back.

Do you understand this? We are all rooting for you to deserve her forgiveness, and for her to begin the process of giving it.

It IS a process, and it takes time. Give that to her, and more.
Good luck



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