Today is a new day

[~¤DG¤~]

I'll give a brief recap of my sitch so you don't have to read pages and pages of my story.

H & I have been married since 6.06, no kids together, me 2 kids from previous M. Ages 15 & 10 (both boys). H has a S from previous relationship 7.
Been having M problems for a good year, H left on Feb 20 of this year and we are still separated.
There has been no talk of D at this point.
I have been in IC for almost 5 months.

***************

Yesterday, for those who didn't read my previous thread "I'm still here" H did attend my C session with me yesterday.
It went about as well as it could have gone I guess. Emotional for me, I think I cried pretty much the entire time.
H did open up quite a bit, and was all over the place emotionally. Sometimes sounding very angry, and other times being close to tears.
I never realized how badly he is hurting in all of this. I have been so focused on my pain and what this S is doing to me, that I didn't even think about how hard this must be on him.
I also thought that by now he should know if he wants to try to repair the M or not, but after listening to him I realize I have no right to place any expectations on him.

I've been so focused on the future of our M and the "What if's" that I haven't thought about much else.

I listened to everything he had to say, without interrupting or trying to excuse or explain anything. I validated his feelings and just took what he said to heart.

I realize now that I need to love him enough to let him go and work on himself with no expectations. As hard as that is for me, I have to do it for him. He needs to work on him, and I need to work on me.
A lot of people on here have told me that I should put my M in a box somewhere and put it on a shelf, and I always thought that would be impossible, but now I know what they mean. It doesn't make any of this any easier but grasping the concept has made a major difference in my train of thought.

Last night, I didn't expect to hear from him at all and I didn't, and if I don't hear from him for a while I understand. I love him and I miss him, but I know why he is doing what he needs to do.

Tonight I am going to dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a good 10 years. We reconnected via FB, and I am looking forward to seeing her and catching up. It's supposed to be a beautiful day today, and I am grateful for another day on this earth.

[jbnati]

Good for you, DG. I really hope you can hang on to this fresh perspective. It's a very healthy perspective. From everything I've seen, if you can do that, you have a good honest shot at turning this around, IMO.

[Telemark]

Outstanding, DG. Your new attitude will be empowering and liberating. You will start to feel stronger and more confident, and THAT is what is attractive; not just to your H but to everyone around you.

There are days that you will not feel so great; maybe backslide. Just plow through those days. THEY WILL NOT LAST!

We're all pulling for you!

[JustStunned]

DG, it sounds like you are describing unconditional love. Good for you. I have not made it as far as you apparently have. Someday maybe I will.

I have seen “Unconditional love is hard to resist” posted many times. Give him a chance to work on himself, while you keep getting stronger working on yourself.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks for the words of support.
This is by no means going to be easy and I know this, and I am grateful I have everyone here to help me through it.

[islander]

Good job in C yesterday.

[Timetotry]

DG,

Great job! Hey, its not going to be easy but its not like the last few months have been and look how far you've come!

Just think of the pot of gold over the rainbow after the storm passes!

[~¤DG¤~]

I hope you are right.

H did send me a text today saying hello and wanted to let me know he was thinking about me. I responded back saying hi with a at the end and left it at that.

Baby steps......

[~¤DG¤~]

Got another text from H that said:

And just so you know im not used to sleepin alone.
Or getting used to that feeling I mean

That is in reference to our C session yesterday when I said it's been 3 months and I am getting used to sleeping alone. I wonder if that bothered him when I said that?

[bboom]

Dgirl, you need to stop wondering about what he is thinking about and trying to interpret what his words mean. Worry about yourself.