After what? After After!

[Denver_2010]

It is my plan, and the L agreed, to let her drive this whole process.

Great plan CS. Let her do ALL of the work. But I wouldn't suggest doing anything that makes it difficult for her or that is obviously an attempt to stall. That would be pretty transparent and would likely backfire.

Maybe she is truly in love with this guy and they will live happily ever after...

Not likely CS. The statistics on A's turning into successful R's and M's do not tend to favor that happening.

Now I find myself somewhat uncomfortable. Our contact has increased a lot, and we are as “close” as we have been since all of this has started. Don’t get me wrong, I see the positives in this, it’s just that it adds complications.

I know that you are up on my sitch and how miserable I am with it now. But even with that CS, I know that the past 3 months of being closer to my W, EVEN with the complications that it has created, have been positive to my overall situation.

You need to take advantage of this time of 'closeness' to show her the new you. Be consistent. Don't pressure. And don't make the mistake that I did of being TOO available.

It is a very difficult tight rope to walk indeed.

I find myself now thinking about everything WAY too much. I feel lapses in patience. When we are talking and friendly and I see and sense something, I get these urges of wanting things to just MOVE!

TELL ME YOU DON’T WANT A D. TELL ME YOU WANT TO WORK ON THE M. TELL ME YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE. TELL ME!

TELL YOU SOMETHING... right?? I know EXACTLY how you feel man. This is, by far, much more difficult than the stage of DB where you have very little contact with the WAS.

It's much easier to have patience when you can settle into a routine of having little to no contact with the WAS. Not easy... just easier. But when you start to see positive signs that things are improving? Much, much more difficult.

I think that if I could do it over, no, I know if I could do it over... I would have continued to play my cards close to the vest. And I would have tried harder to keep my hopes and expectations down.

See, it is very easy to begin to believe that the hard part is over when you become convinced that your W is going to come back, and that it is just a matter of time.

When you being to think that the hard part is over... you begin to lapse on the DB stuff and become much more susceptible to doing things, such as pressuring and over pursuing.

As hard as it is... continue to be patient and give this the time that it needs. That is what is slowly being knocked through to my brain through my thick skull.

But do I keep doing it? Indefinitely? Or should I start waiting for her to ask again? She has started to initiate casual conversation non D related. Should I start doing the same, or just continue to wait for her to initiate this?

My suggestion? Come up with a plan. Send her the pics 50% of the time without being asked... wait for her to ask again the other 50%. Initiate casual conversation that in non D related 66% of the time... wait for her to do it the other 33%.

My percentages are just examples... the point is, come up with a plan on how to do it so that you are no longer lost. So that you have an action plan.

Remember man... IMO, this is WAR... and you have to have a battle plan... a strategy of where your troops are and where & when to move them laid out on the big map of your situation...

Trust me, I have been lost with this over the past several weeks too... but it IS how I approached things when I first started this and when I was where you are now.

I guess what it comes down to, is I am confused again as to my action plan. Things have changed (or have they?)

Trust your gut and instinct on whether or not things have changed. I could tell you within a few days of when I started to sense that things were changing for the better with my situation... and this was later confirmed by my W.

Unfortunately, I can also tell you within a few days of when things started to change for the worse again from what my instinct told me.

Trust it.

BITS
Denver