Affair (continued)

[25yearsmlc]

Don't know if the c will be "fun" but I hope it's productive.

Look for solutions, not excuses. That's really what your w will need if she's ever to rebuild the m with you. There ARE m's that survive A's and they are worth studying, when the time comes. Maybe the c can suggest some. I have heard good things about "After the Affair" and my sister said it helped her to forgive her 1st h. They stayed m another 12 years and had #3 child, but he cheated again. They then div after 22 years, and 3 yrs later my sister got engaged to a guy who worships the ground she walks on.

So THEN Her ex h called her a month before the wedding to say he had awakened and that he "got it" and that he F#$%&* up" and was very sorry to have lost her, etc. I believe him, I really do. And my sister HAD forgiven him.

But she had also met a guy who put the R with her first in his life, and once she knew what that felt like, there was no way she could go back to her ex h, who tended to be very self absorbed and selfish. When her xh got caught in his first A, he acted a lot like you are. As if a bad event had "happened to HIM" and as if my sister was "also hurt", as opposed to being THE VICTIM and him being the cause of it ALL. Even now he thinks it's sad that "all this happened to HIM/THEM" b/c now he's without my sister as his w, and she's happy...like that's unfair to HIM...still all about HIM...

He finally remarried a woman HE says is "high maintanance" and none of the kids can stand to be with her...(talk about Karma.)

But he says he doesnt want THIS m to end too or he'll feel like a failure. If only he had put that type of energy into his m to my sister. She was always a giver...and he was always a taker. Now he's m to a taker...

Take what you can from this post and ignore what doesn't apply. I don't know you so don't assume I'm bashing you when I am just sharing anecdotal thigns that might apply.

Go to c and see it as a Godsend, not some hairshirt you're going to wear for your martyrdom. This is an opportunity not all people get. Okay? Make sense?