After what? After After!

[♪CS♪]

Thanks 25, I need it today.

I am interested in seeing if the death of her father pushes her & which way, or if she freezes up and stalls out.

I know, I keep thinking about the same thing. I contemplated not filing my response at all; just to see of she would even notice and how long it would take her to even remember what was going on. But, it seemed too risky. If/when she does notice, she could file notice of default and put me in a bad spot. Not worth it happening.

As you know, she will get a copy of my response, so she will be reminded of all of this. It is my plan, and the L agreed, to let her drive this whole process. So after this response is filed, I just wait to see when she gets me the schedule of assets and liabilities. I’m not going to even worry about it until I get hers. If/when I get it, I will prepare mine as well.

Then, under the same plan, I will leave it up to her to draft the actual divorce agreement. Again, if/when I receive that, I will have a L review it and go from there.

I guess one of the only positives that came out of my consultation this morning, is L said he has never seen a 6 month D. So even that timeline will most likely be extended.

But yeah, like you said, very interested to see how she moves now.

You being the pillar that you are, will no doubt help you in the short and long run. I really think she's going to regret this within 18 months. But I don't know what she'll do with that regret. That's why you have to keep the road home, paved and smooth...

Thank you for the kind words. I guess I still believe she will regret this someday too, but who knows. Maybe she is truly in love with this guy and they will live happily ever after...

I wish I could actually feel as good as I portray to her. I’ve hit a bit of a rough patch as to how I am actually feeling.

Before her dad’s death, our contact was limited to short TM’s and such about D. I didn’t think much about it, and I had gotten my focus on me, and what I was doing. I had gotten to a pretty good spot.

Then her dad dies. That got me extremely focused. I knew what I had to do. Be there for her, be kind, be supportive. Put everything else on hold. Not a lot of time to think about things one way or another. Just be good. That was my goal.

Now I find myself somewhat uncomfortable. Our contact has increased a lot, and we are as “close” as we have been since all of this has started. Don’t get me wrong, I see the positives in this, it’s just that it adds complications.

I find myself now thinking about everything WAY too much. I feel lapses in patience. When we are talking and friendly and I see and sense something, I get these urges of wanting things to just MOVE!

TELL ME YOU DON’T WANT A D. TELL ME YOU WANT TO WORK ON THE M. TELL ME YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE. TELL ME!

Doing my best to deal with these feelings. They come in waves. Tonight for example, she is working and I will have D.

Before, if she asked for a pic, I would send it to her. But I would not have initiated it. Since FIL’s passing, I have just sent them, knowing it would be nice for her, and she has always been VERY appreciative of it.

But do I keep doing it? Indefinitely? Or should I start waiting for her to ask again? She has started to initiate casual conversation non D related. Should I start doing the same, or just continue to wait for her to initiate this?

I guess what it comes down to, is I am confused again as to my action plan. Things have changed (or have they?) and I need to get to a spot again that is comfortable for me.