First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your sitch. I see some similarities in your sitch to mine.
Take a deep breath and sit down! You probably have more time than you think.
In a nutshell, my W bombed me the first time about 3 years ago. I talked her into going to MC, and things were looking up. I felt we were in a better place in our R than we ever had been. Then, she got extremely busy with her job and we were spending very little time together, when we should have been working on keeping the positive momentum going in our M. Then, she bombs me for the second time in February. This time, though, she refused to go to MC and was adamant she wants a D. My W has also suffered from depression for 3+ years, possibly up to 9 years.
I think the bottom line is your W does not need your permission to leave. She may need to go down this road so far to realize it's not the right decision, unfortunately. Hopefully if that were to happen and she came back, it would never happen again. That quote above about opening the cage from IaP may be true in your case. Anything you do at this point to coerce her to stay will likely backfire and push her away.
I suggest to continue or to resume taking care of YOU, and become the better person out of this regardless of the outcome. GAL.
