So what I am gathering is that I need to stand up for my rights and have the courage to tell him to get out of my life (nicely of course).Tell him to get his stuff out and to move on with out me.
If he says he wants a seperation or Divorce - I will say "I think it is for the best.I have been a fool to tolerate as much as I have. I am working on getting myself healthy. I will miss you and God Bless".
I have no idea what his ?'s will be. If he were to ask me if I wanted to attend MC, what should I say (I know that is probably not one of his ?'s - but who knows with him being so wishy washy about the D text).... Should I accept or refuse it if he does ask that? I would want to Accept (but not sure cuz the alcohol).
About the IC thing,I am absolutely broke, I cant afford a counselor, I tried two in the past when this happened before and neither seemed to really help me. But I just dont have that option right now, as I am struggeling to pay my bills. I am waiting on hiring my L (the one I used last time and she is cut throat), till I get served- also due to my lack of funds.
I see how alanon has helped so many people, and I am going to 3-4 meetings a week. I am seeing that I am happy when I am doing my GAL activities, so I will stick with them. I am reading codependent no more and its helping gain perspective of reality and my self esteem is going to take time to get back. The career thing... I dont know what to say... but there are absolutly no good jobs here in NY especially for teaching... so I have been looking into the postal service and applied two days ago there.
I know I am a mess, Please dont think I am crazy. I have had a lot of emotions posted on this site. Because this is the place I feel safe to do it. I am trying my hardest to work on myself and to get better. THis is all so fresh and new again to me, after working on piecing things in our M for 3 years, I just couldnt believe that it happened again.
I have also read, Mr. Dobson's "love must be tough". He recommends to stand up for yourself and not to cower to them also. He says, not to cry and beg them to return but rather to agree with them when they say they want to leave or threaten a Divorce - becuase it will be healthier for me.
I am scared, frusterated, and confused... and I feel that is normal for the LBS...I am going though a lot here...We have been together since H.S. and I know I have never wanted any other man. That is what scares me, I guess. I can and will have to get over that.
This is just going to take me some time, and lots of effort. Dont give up on me, I will get there. I guess what I have lacked in the past is courage. I need to find the courage to accept that I cant change him, So I need to let him go completely in order to get to a healthy place. I do know that would be for my best...If I could just find that courage somehow. I am praying for it. TIPPER
