Can I close the door and leave it unlocked?

[jbnati]

Do you see why this hurts me so much? And there is nothing I can do about it. I am on the sidelines litterally watching my SD self destruct at 9 years old...

We see what happens to kids when they are hurting. We used to talk about this all of the time. How can she be so blind to her own D. It makes me literally sick.

Yes, this is absolutely infuriating!

I can definitely see why you feel the way you do.

I can not be a part of this madness anymore. I need to move on. I hope that my W sees the light and joins me. But I don't expect it anymore. And I don't think she will...she is too far gone. If she can abandon her own D, what hope do I have. If she ever does come around, I fear (not really fear anymore, just a realization) I will have already moved on.

I think this is a good way of thinking about it. It's about all you can do.

[LearningPatience]

Islander, I feel so much for you and your SD. It's so hard to feel like you are on the sidelines watching your team implode. And it's maddening to see the S with their head up their... you just want to shake them and ask if they really know how much they are f'ing up so many lives.

OK, deep breath for me Stay strong for yourself and SD. Be the rock and the example for her! It will pay off down the road for both of you.

[islander]

You know, I really used to want to shake sense into her (not literally) bit that feeling is gone. She is too lost, and it is up to her what direction her life will go now. Not that that wasn't always the case

Mornings are still hardest, usually the 15 min or so. Once I vet moving my head is on straight. But I say hardest, it is nowhere as hard as it used to be.

Well I am doing something new today with people I don't know. I am spending the day with my neighbor and her and her husbands friends. I wasn't going to, bit then I thought, this is probably what I need.

[jbnati]

Yes, what you're doing today is probably exactly what you need. Sometimes you need to shake things up, and it sounds like you're at that point.

Your're exactly right. Your W is very lost right now. It's very, very sad. Not only is she in this pit right now, she's dragging others into it.

[ninelives]

Sorry to hear all thats gone on Islander. As always, Im following your sitch but lately have felt real confident to give advice when I keep effing up myself.

I am glad you seem to have rebounded from this horrible ride quite well. So you are both cops. Not here nor there , you never posted that before or at least I never saw it.

You are right Islander, our sitches have been on collision courses throughtout this oredeal. I think you have handled it better though with not nearly the slip ups that i have.

I wish you continued success and hope you keep posting nomatter what happens.

Dont want to lose touch with a kind soul such as yourself.

That goes for all the BITS BTW.

9

[Redo]

sorry to hear about your SD islander. Yea, it is heartbreaking to see your spouse knowingly self destruct themselves and their loved ones.

[islander]

Well, I just got back from GAL...tubing!!! I had a great time. I went with people i have never hung out with bf. It was a good time, good decision to do something I was unfamiliar with and hesitant to do.

However, I realized how much I missed the touch of another person. Completely innocently, my neighbor grabbed my foot, andthen my knee to keep from going into the river bank. It felt good to be touched.

Anyway, I had a great time.

[jbnati]

That's awesome! Sounds like a lot of fun!

I know what you mean by missing the touch of another person. Ever since the bomb, my W turned very cold that way. Not that she's a person that's into that.

[islander]

I keep asking myself what would I do if my W came back today andsaid she wanted to be married to me and work on things.

I really don't know, but I am thinking that at this point, I don't think I want to anymore.

Am I just fed up and emotionally drained to the point there is nothing left.

Or is this a way for me to protect mysf from being hurt anymore.

Even though I say I think I am done, is there anything in me that would snap back if she said the right things. Could I learn to love her again or to accept her as my W.

This is so strange to feel like this now. I think it is where I need to be, if for nohing else than for myself.

[Redo]

Islander, I think at some point all of us LBS go through this. I go through this nowadays and i think for me it is to protect myself from going through the mess again.

But as you said, love can be kindled again. I think forgiveness plays a big role there.