You have received some very good advice. I would like to add to it by telling you of my weekend. No highjack; there is a moral.
My L contacted me on Friday with the Final Settlement. All good in my favor. Only backlash is I have to get out of the house in 3 months. As Beatrice advised me, it is also the final 'death knell' of our 20 y marriage. I came home and was literally and physiclly sick all weekend. Barely functioned. Made it to D's college Graduation. Went to Church on Sunday. Spent the rest of the time in bed with a whopping migraine-like headache and throwing up. Told them at work Monday I had a bug. I knew what it was.Panic. Monday afternoon, I visited a friend so he could kick me in the a$$. And he did. Threw up once more, and have functioned fine ever since.
Went through my day with a smile on my face. Smiled as I sat alone in the house last night figuring what I needed to keep out and what I could pack up. Smiled as I went to bed. The amazing revelation? I am free of being the caretaker of his dreams.
The old joke is "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", but I believe we, as women, as nurturer's, sublimate our own wants and desires to the men we love. It becomes our second nature. You mentioned it. So did Brook and Antonia. Unpleasant truths are resurfacing every day in my mind which I had managed to pack away in the attic of my thoughts and forget. These men weren't wonderful and perfect; they were perfect in our minds. Perhaps some of us even made that too heavy a load to bear.
So here's the thing. Claw your way back on top of your emotions. (with doctor's help, if necessary) Get them back in control, and look forward, not back. Overnight, it made a tremendous change in my outlook.
That doesn't mean there won't be disappointments, sad days, trips down memory lane, but at least we are moving forward and are that much more removed from their actuality.
