Tipper,

Wow, you are all over the place. Here are some actual quotes of you...YOUR words follow.


MAY 14
Tonight, I went out to 80's themed party and had a blast. I did not cry when people asked where my H was, I told them the truth with strength and courage. I got hit on by about 3 guys and they gave me so many compliments, More than I have gotten from my H in the whole past year. It made me feel good, It made me feel like I do have a lot going for me, It built up my self esteem and confidence. It was a great night, and I didnt have a drop to drink, I laughed and had fun and felt a little more like the old tipper.

This is all really scary to me, because for the first time ever, I can really see myself wanting more than what my H could give. I can finally see how Michelle W.D. says in her books that it is usually up to the LBS to decide on whether or not they want the MLCer back. Currently - I DONT!!!!
TIPPER

YESTERDAY

Oh NO,
H text me last night. He said He is going to file the papers and to not waist the money on an attourney, our M is dead and that He loves me as a friend.

I didnt respond. I cryed histerically.
……..
Then he text on accident (probably becuase he was drunk) to a friend saying "there a police song called king of pain, lols buddy - we will be ok". I didnt understand that text,so I think it was meant for someone else.

Then today he asked if he could come ask me some questions. I said, I am very busy today and I am not ready to talk yet and maybe try again in a few weeks.

I dont know what to do. I dont want a D, but I dont want to live the way I was either. I am so confused.


Why is he jumping the gun so fast this time. He just really must not love me at all. I am a freaking mess. All this after having the best year of our lives together in 2009 piecing our M back together. What should I do. I need advise Please.
TIPPER

Today

Or are you suggesting that I just dont cry to his threats of a D and rather Act as if that is what I want too. I dont really want a D, I just want him to want to get sober. I know I cant say that anymore to him though.


Tipper, you have issues. And so does he. Your m sounds toxic. The second he senses you getting the tiniest scrap of self esteem, he reels you back in and back in, you go. Then if there's a (God forbid) shred of an expectation from you, which you seem prone to having of him regardless of how unrealistic they are, he pulls back AND you fall apart, again. You two dance quite well in the "WTH Crazy" dance of life. What "talk" are you so terrified of? What's to discuss? You own the house, and so are you going to argue about cats? The legal matters will take 2 hours of a consult and that will empower you. In all this time, have you even seen a L? Why not?

I think life is shorter than you realize. And you've been in a sad, strange, needy, unhealthy R for a long long long time.

I can't say that you are ready to be healthy. I just don't know. My dad was a highly functioning alcoholic so I've seen dependent, "OH NO, I"M STUCK!" behavior before...for decades.

You say words that alarm me and "crying hysterically" one day after realizing what bad news he is, is disconcerting to say the least. (SIGH) Tipper, please, get some help and get some strength b/c you are flailing here.

I think you are so used to the drama of it all, or something, seems the SECOND he wants out, or just expresses doubt, you cower. Even when he's a crazy manipulative drunk.

I don't think there are words from me that will make a REAL difference. You need more than a pep talk sweetie. The behavior of both of you, your interactions, are really out of whack.

Sorry.



M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change