Who am I now?

[AntoniaB]

IB I completely get what you're saying--I feel like on some days I'm on a tightrope, and on one side is despair and the feeling that I can't succeed or be happy alone/without my XH and the other side is everything that represents what I can do as a single woman with a great support system of family and friends. That "bad" side of despair is always there, but I'm learning to look away from it.

If I did not have a few things right now to get my self-worth/make me feel accomplishment, I think I'd be caving in to that despair. A few months ago I kept saying "I'm so tired of fighting the depression." So what's the answer, give in? NO.

You're not giving in, or else you wouldn't be here asking for help.

For me, I found my garden and my book. I am putting a ton of work into my yard and garden and into research for my book. These are parts of me that were there but dormant, and now they define me. You have to find what makes you feel alive. You have to find what gives you a little bit of joy and then make that little thing a big thing in your life. When it becomes a big thing, your despair will be crowded out by it most days, and on the few days that it's not crowded out, you'll have the reserves to get through.