Affair (continued)

[25yearsmlc]

chris

in your FIRST Post (or the first one I was able to read) you mention that you really screwed up partly b/c things with your w "were going so well", or words to that effect, when you had the affair.

Less than 10 days later, you say you were "just looking for some affection"...as if it was missing from the M...

already the story is changing. That's a red flag to me.

Then, I noticed that your w found out NOT FROM YOU (why all the credit to YOU for being honest? You mean you were caught?) but from ow. OUCH!!

And when I saw the date of when this all began I shook my head, May 5th!!!

If i were in your w's shoes and my h wanted ANYTHING from me, just 10 days into me finding out, via OW, I would probably start with slapping his face, hard (not defending violence, but imagining my reaction), and say something like the following:

I would ask him "h, you broke your vows WHILE we were doing "fine", at least according to YOU. So now I have to wonder what "fine" means b/c if you cheat on me when YOU SAY things were good, then why won't you cheat when we face hard times, like ALL couples do?????"

And, how dare you ask anything of me so fast and so soon into my grief...
Stop trying to paint me into a corner.
If you cannot back the heck off and man up for our children, (no whining about you being ignored or "if looks could kill" or YOU needing to be reassured, b/c newsflash--YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO WAS BETRAYED....and if you are already complaining 2 weeks into this, then I seriously doubt you are capable of earning trust back. You simply want it back...well, I want my life back too, but someone (you) just yanked the floor out from under me and I am still reeling...trying to catch my breath, trying not to cry all the time, trying not to hit you or scream, trying not to "lose it", trying NOT to think of what my father did to my mother, and how I'm in the same damn position as she was, trying to understand how the father of MY kids could put me in this position...trying to get a bettter job b/c apparently you are NOT a reliable man,"

and so on....

Does this help you gain some perspective? I am sorry if this hurts even more b/c I know you are in pain. I get that. Yet, You just strike me as being really....lazy. I say that b/c Your discomfort at her being angry, is so "unpleasant" for you, that your pain is what consumes you and it is NOT remorse for hurting HER that I hear...it's regret about getting caught and paying "Such a harsh price"...OMG I wanted to reach through this machine to shake you when I read that. "Harsh price"? What harsh price? She's still in the house, in the same bed, allowing you around everyone. You have paid NOTHING yet. Somehow this really is all about YOU and how much YOU are suffering...

I have not heard you mention your children once, and the pain your w feels takes 2nd place to yours. You want to KNOW if and when things will get back to normal...if ever, not for a long time. Adultery is a deeply wounding betrayal. It rocks us to our core. Your w is in grief. GRIEF...caused by your actions. Let her have that. Stop the minimizing, stop the justifying, and just own what you did and that it's a BIG deal to her, regardless of what it meant to you.

I don't think you get it. But I really want you to.