Detach Dog

[ninelives]

Thats the 2step I know.

Yes, I have been hit alot lately with 2x4s, lots of self reflection. Even more than ever.

My role in this was bigger than I thougt. I havent gone to council for awhile and I tried to take blame but my counciler was having none of that. He did say, Yes you made mistake, but no bigger than anyone in a longterm marriage.

You also did many good things he would tell me. And it is true that there were lots of good times but also lots of pressure from her dysfunctional family.
We handled money poorly and dug ourself such a big hole.

Bottom line, I am feeling better about everything.

Washer went down today. Irony maybe. We bought it when we got married and bought our first house together. I immediately got a new one today. I would have procrasonated for a few days and bought the cheaper model. I figuered. No more, take the bull by the horns and it is installed and washing as we speak.

I am feeling good about things like that. Babysteps to the change.

2step: back to your post. I appreciate everything you wrote and it does make sense. I have to get to a point where it doesnt matter what she is doing with OM. I had to go by her house again after dropping off son, his truck was there and it didnt send a jolt this time. Still not the thing I want to see but maybe the next few times, it will be less and less until it just wont matter.

And the foregiveness thing. Its coming, it not there yet but it is coming.

Tommorrow they are going to see Alice COoper, always wanted to see him. I dont think it will be that tough for me. Im trying to pump up Youngest son about it. Called him lucky to be seeing KISS and Alice in the same year. He pointed at me and mocked me a little cause I aint going. We laughed about it. I think hes ok with that.

WE had ribs outside today, made a huge stirfry as they both want to lose weight like dad did. We had a Paleo meal and acted like cavemen. Little one really likes the role play. We have always done things like that and used crazy accents. It came back to me today and I was in full accent form. Felt good.

Didnt think about her too much during that.

As for being patient for my W. I dont know if I need to be patient for any reason. I just have to continue with this path, be great to my KIDS and let the chips fall where they may.

If she ever does come out of this fog and wants her family back, then i think I will have to see where I am at because its not going to be any time soon if ever.

Thanks for checking in 2step.

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