Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Hi Cyrena,

I do want to communicate with my H, and I did so badly even during the time we were "walking together". But I did it forcibly, and with wrong timing - complaining that we never talked, facing it too squarely in the face that the feelings never got a chance to be shared in a quite moment of intimacy.

Judging from what emails and texts I have seen between H and OW, their R is just like your H's in his EA. There was a natural element in how H and OW related to each other, and throw in the infatuation, and the shared pain (OW had just undergone a painful D at the time they met, and was just savoring her new found freedom, which made H envious) - this resulted in a "boom" sould mates found! " condition.

From whatever convos I have had with H, and with OW as well, I am seeing that H and I grew apart in terms of communication because I had become critical and demanding. I was forcing conversations.

That is why now, I am tring to just let the closeness come back naturally, and by letting myself forgive, and accept. IN terms of conversation, for now I will let him take the lead. I can sense him doing things on purpose for me to interpret.

For now, there are still a lot of awkward moments, of times when weare together by ourselves that I feel the need to run away. I see him getting exhausted too by too much togetherness. Right now we are in one of those phases. I am not even thinkingof calling him in the middle of the day to say hi.

Hopefully though we will find that closeness again, and at that point, be open about everything. But I want him first to knowthat I forgive him, that I am not going back to the why's. I want him to feel that he is safe from any attacks from me on his character. When I learn to live "from this day onwards", I know he will know that as well, and that is when he will feel comfortabkle enough to open his heart to me again. I am working on it, I am not there yet, but I know I will get there.