I went for a long time thinking that my H and I were on the same path and didn't need to discuss everything. At the moment where I was forced into the crucible, to examine whether our M was worth saving, I realized that not choosing to share everything with H didn't work for me any more. I've come to believe that you can't have true intimacy without communication.
My H also used to say that he was a simple guy, that I "got" him. Well, guess what? His EA relationship was all about communicating with the OW--he totally did want to open up a window into his soul with someone. I think we all have a basic need for someone to "see" and accept us ... but without expressing ourselves, we can't achieve that. Al Turtle explains assuming that we're soul-mates as an attribute of infatuation, where people are afraid to communicate too much because they won't know how to handle the discovery of the inevitable differences between them.
I think you're right on, to express affirmation and admiration rather than displeasure and discontent. How are you accomplishing this?
I hope a time will come when you will be content with who you've evolved into!
