It is tough. VERY tough but I will tell you this. As you continue to make your changes about you and not her it becomes easier because it just becomes who you are.
You are mom was a very clear indication that you are on the right path, based on her analysis and your reaction to them being late.
Once the changes become permanent then TRYING when your W is around is really NOT trying at all because it is just who you have become.
Changing something about yourself is perhaps, IMO, the single hardest thing any of us can do
