PMA is at a medium level for the past 2 days. Not a lot of stuff going on with meetup and all my friends are busy this week so I'm struggling a little with finding things to do. Yesterday I caught up on some TV shows and today I applied to jobs.
Anyways, onto the current sitch. I have not spoken to H since Sunday. I had a session with my DB coach yesterday and once again, he really put my focus in the right places. I see what I need to be doing now I just have to figure out how to get there...
I need to get to the point where I can be compassionate again. How do I validate when we do talk? How do I give him his words of affirmation? How do I let him know I understand how he feels and that it's OK to feel that way. I have to get myself in a place where I can do all these things.
The DB coach said something to me that made me tear up in empathy for my H - something like... "He's spent his whole life being told that negative emotions aren't ok to feel. That he needs to remove himself from the family and deal with them on his own. You need to make him understand that it's OK to feel what he is feeling." And in that moment, all the things that my H must be feeling just rushed into me and I started crying when I realized the pain he must be in. (I'm actually crying again now typing this out.) This I need to capture and bottle somehow so that I can be that safe place for him. I can see now how I have shut down his attempts to share difficult feelings and made it harder for him and I'm just so very sorry that I caused him this pain right now.
