Tough Love

[Queen_of_Swords]

scylla i cannot have her riding around in a car in my name drinking and risk her getting into an accident and being sued for everything i have just cause she chooses to act like a delinquent child.

I understand that. What else could you have done,to experience the natural consequences of drinking and driving? What would you have done for a good buddy/friend?Could you have called the cops?

Did acting like Big Daddy help or hurt you? Did it reinforce her view of you as a controlling and punitive personality?

You sidestepped the meat of my post neatly.
Understand, I don't post for me. I have my own fish to fry.
I post to help YOU, through my personal experience as a person who was/is accused of being controlling myself!

If your son has told her how he feels, it is still up to her as and adult how she dresses. Now you can choose how your behaviour will be when she shows up inappropriately dressed. Punish her, praise her, ignore her, or accept her and her choices as they are.
This is not in your control or his, nor a reflection upon either of you.

Please, keep in mind a pat on the back is only four inches higher that a kick in the rear, and ponder which really works better.