A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch", he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the Conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes", the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
"And by the way", the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old, pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Along came another boy riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...' He just knew what it was.
He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. 'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and The Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!' The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.'
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.' The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling me the truth." Let's see if we can see the Lord...?
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...?"
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Have a great day!!
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:
Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM!!!
It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.
You are now as enlightened as I am!
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
An old man was sitting with his 25 year old son in the train. The train was about to leave the station. All passengers are settling down in their seat.
As the train started, the young man was filled with lots of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side.
He put out one hand and feeling the passing air, he shouted, "Papa see all the trees are going behind". The old man smiled and admired his sons’ feelings.
Besides the young man was one couple, sitting and listening to all the conversation between father and son. They were Little awkward with the attitude of the 25 year old behaving like a small child.
Suddenly the young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with the train".
The couple was watching the young man embarrassingly. Now it started raining and some of the water drops touched the young man's hand. He was filled with joy and he closed his eyes. He shouted again," Papa it's raining, the water is touching me, see papa".
The couple couldn't help themselves and asked the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."
The old man said,”Yes, we did and we are coming from the hospital today; my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".
Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up.
Have a great day!
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
On his 70th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man.
The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You take only teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do
that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until next full moon."
The old man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
