We only get your side of the story. It would be great if your wife would post here too.
It sounds as if she is really angry, but doesn't really deal with the anger constructively.
It also sounds like you have totally abrogated your power in the relationship, and that she has no intention in letting you have it back.
It also sounds like you want the marriage way more than she does and have absolutely no bargaining power.
What you need is a sense that if she continues to impose celibacy on you that you have some options...which you have.
All or almost all of the people here advocate for marriage over divorce. I agree. But a marriage shouldn't be used as a club to pound you into submission. It is time to come up with some of your own terms and begin serious negotiations.
You seem to suspect that she wants a divorce. And if she does, your not giving her an excuse for one is only a temporary solution. I don't like divorce either. But, my personal point of view is that if a woman wants to put unreasonable demands on my sex life, then that's a step too far.
When two people marry, there is an understanding (usually) that the couple will remain faithful. But there is also an understanding that they love each other, want to please each other, and will have a reasonable sex life.
Simply depriving a spouse of sex is, in my opinion, as much of a betrayal as adultery. It is sort of adultery in reverse. If you tolerate it, you are going to get more of the same.
Stand up for yourself, and explain to your wife that things DO have to change. If she refuses counseling then go by yourself and get some support and guidance. If you don't think that this can easily go on for another 20 years, think again. I know from my own experience and for many of those who are on this forum. It won't end until you do something to end it.
Originally Posted By: Arkansasguy
Why am I here. I feel my marriage is sex starved. I cried when they said the national average is 85 times a year and mine is 12.
What infuriates me is that she calls me a sex maniac for wanting more than once a month.
Ironically in the midst of all this she states that if I ever cheated the marriage is over.
I am almost to the point that I feel, she WANTS me to cheat, so we get divorced, and everything is my fault.
divorced in 2003 Married in 12/2005 born 1948 wife born 1958 divorced in 2001
