WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 2

[Young at Heart]

GB;
Sounds like you are not reinforcing her bad behavior and yet reinforcing her good behavior. That is powerful stuff. It is what takes some a long time to figure out through all kinds of 180's.

One caution. You are coming up on a major move. Change is stressful. Expect your wife to react to the stress of the move and setting up a new life in a foreign country.

Someday if you get a chance, borrow the book Future Shock and read the chapter about stress and its negative impact on health. Then look at the stress-point charts and calculate some of the stress you are under. You might be surprised and realize how important physical exercise is to GAL and reducing your stress.

As to your action plans. If I were in your shoes, I would try to set up some things that I was looking forward to when I arrived at my new "home." It would give me something to look forward to.

You might also want to consider that you wife is going to be stressed by the move and see if there are anythings that she might be looking foward to. Just be careful (emotionally) that you not get too attached to some joint activity with your wife or she might use it as a means of trying to control you or inflict pain on you.

However, if there is something she is looking forward to then, that could help her settle into her new location. You have said that you invested a lot in touring bicycles. European clothes sizes freaked my wife out and confused the heck out of me. You also said that your wife seems to have a relationship with her clothes closet.

If your wallet can afford it, maybe going to a bike/sports shop and getting her some padded bick shorts (in US women's sizes) or a new stretch top might be a way for her to start thinking about what she is going to do in her new location. That way she will have things to look forward to as well.

My concern is that if neither of you has plans for what you want to do once you settle in and arrive, your wife may just freak out at the change. If she has something she wants to do then she will focus more on that, then the discomfort and confusion of the move.

Others are providing you with great advice. You seem to be making some progress. You still have a long road in your DB roller-coaster ride.

Enjoy the good days. Focus on visualizing a happy you and know that you are worthy of the love of a good woman.

P.S. I view ML as really building love and bonding two people into a couple. However, I would wager that for some reason your wife is very angry with you for some percieved hurt. Until she has really forgiven you and wants/needs your love, I think that ML is too soon. I found your comparison of SSM women and some of their common views interesting.

Silly Old Bear posted a podcast in the SSM forum about an ex-minister who was in a SSM and one of the things in it was about how for some women the only area of "control" they felt they had in a marriage was access to their body and that at least in this one group discussed in the podcast it seemed to be a universal shutting down their libido.

While I didn't care for the anti-religion tone of the podcast, it provoked some thought about why some women in marriages shut down sexually.

Again, it may not be what is motivating your wife, but I also don't fully know her story and what areas she feels she is in control of in her life.

Good luck and enjoy your packing and guitar. Stay focused on GAL and building a strong you that get's your needs meet along with those of your family.