DG, I understand and empathize with everything you have written. This is like a disease that you can't stop thinking about; all you want is for the pain, the anxiety, the feeling of total rejection and the knot in your stomach to go away and have everything back to "normal".
And maybe if you just cut the cord it will end the uncertainty and you can get on with life.
It takes incredible effort to face all of that because we can't just wish it away. All of us are learning the value of patience and choosing our words and actions. Maybe our spouses will see what a good thing they have in us, maybe not. But we can keep working to improve ourselves regardless of the outcome.
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger." (Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888) I'm not a student of philosophy, but it certainly fits here.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
