I'm still here

[~¤DG¤~]

I really, really need prayers today guys.
H texted to confirm appt today. I am scared of what he is going to say.

[jbnati]

DG, you got 'em!

[Telemark]

DG, I understand and empathize with everything you have written. This is like a disease that you can't stop thinking about; all you want is for the pain, the anxiety, the feeling of total rejection and the knot in your stomach to go away and have everything back to "normal".

And maybe if you just cut the cord it will end the uncertainty and you can get on with life.

It takes incredible effort to face all of that because we can't just wish it away. All of us are learning the value of patience and choosing our words and actions. Maybe our spouses will see what a good thing they have in us, maybe not. But we can keep working to improve ourselves regardless of the outcome.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger." (Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888) I'm not a student of philosophy, but it certainly fits here.

[~¤DG¤~]

Update-

C went about as well as it could, I guess. H was uncomfortable at first, but opened up pretty easily. There were times he was getting so emotional that he had to stop because he didn't want to cry, and others he was so angry he was almost yelling.
I validated all of his feelings, listened without interrupting, and let him speak and say what he needed to say.

He said that right now, he can't even focus on whether or not he wants to save the M, right now his focus is on trying to learn to love himself again. My C asked him if he expected me to "wait" for him, and he said he couldn't expect me to do that, but if I would he would be happy.

I can tell that he is hurting. I think I need to love him enough to let him go. And by let him go I don't mean D, I mean let him go down his road and I continue to go down mine with no expectations.

He did say he would like to come back, so that is a good baby step.

[~¤DG¤~]

I should also add that when we were finished he gave me a long hug goodbye and a kiss on the lips. I thanked him for coming and said I know this wasn't easy for him and I appreciated his effort.

[jbnati]

DG, my perception is that it went really well. I know it was uncomfortable for both of you. If you are willing to have some patience with him, I think it would go a long way. NO PRESSURE!! He doesn't need that right now.

[~¤DG¤~]

I agree. I need to back off and let him go through what he needs to go through.
It wasn't until he explained his reasoning why he feels the way he does it made sense, and I am going to pull back. Way back.
I do see now that 3 months isn't enough time for us, I think if we were to reconcile now there would still be a lot of hurt and anger and it would do us more damage then good.

[lovehurts2]

Hey Hun,

I agree with the others . It sounds like it really went well.

Good girl, you remembered that's it all to do with baby steps. I'm happy for you that he opened up and that he has not given up on M. Some of on here have WAS that wouldn't even try C or has admitted ILUBNILWY and believe M isnt worth saving.

You can tell that he still loves you and your right to feel that 3 months is to soon to be Back together. You are heading in the right direction, well I should say you both are.

[2stepboogie]

DG:

Have you read 5LL? I suggest you do I recently read it again and read chapter 12 several times. It had great insight. The chapter is called "Loving the Unlovely"

He made an effort to go to M counseling and crying and screaming is only a small window at the feelings that he holds inside.

I respect the women on this board so much for thinking outside the box and looking for solution oriented therapy.

Guys are naturally dumb so I expected this place to be a bunch of dudes.

Hang in there DG it gets better I promise

[~¤DG¤~]

2step..yes I have read that book and I bought it and I am going to read it again.

H sent me a text this afternoon thanking me for letting him speak.
In the past, I would usually interrupt him and point out why what he was feeling is wrong.