Is my LRT working?

[Tomtom]

Now that my posts are visible again, here comes an update if anyone is interested:

My life has been like an emotional roller coaster lately. For the moment, I’m quite hopeful, but I know this can change anytime. The main reason for being hopeful is that we have not yet talked about any separation or divorce and it has now been two weeks since I agreed to the D and started my LRT. When we are at home at the same time, things are actually quite pleasant and we get along really well. I try not to think that much about the future and just enjoy being with my W and daughter. On the other hand, not much has changed. My W is still sleeping on the couch and we haven’t really seen that much of each other lately.

A couple of days ago I actually went out on a date with a co-worker. I don’t know if this was a good idea, but I was thinking that she can’t really stop me. SHE is the one who wants the D and I can do as I please. When I got back home it was pretty late and it was quite obvious that she was jealous although she didn’t act angry or accuse me of anything. She did however ask why I was so late and what we had done and I could tell by the look on her face that she was upset about it. Eventually she admitted that it was really not her business anymore.

I’m really curious about what’s going on in her mind right now. There are times when I’m thinking WHY am I doing this? Why am I fighting so hard for this marriage? She has clearly rejected me and maybe I should just get along with my life. There are other people and women out there and maybe I don’t have to grow old and die alone. Don’t get me wrong now. I’m not willing to give up yet and I do think that I and my wife is a perfect match – we just made some terrible mistakes in the past. But I think it is good for my sanity right now to try to think that there are other pretty good alternatives to staying married. Thinking this way is one of the reasons for going out on a date.