Seeking, I'm afraid I feel more like a hemorroid than an inspiration right now. Try to fight off little waves of panic attacks that come and go at the thought of losing the house and screwing my credit.
Heard from FIL last night, who is still very sweet and kind to me, although we have to keep our friendship a secret because XH's shezilla has a coniption fit if she finds out we've talked.
Admission of guilt, my friends. For all my brave words, I let my body take over my brain and became violently ill. Had to leave work and come home. Fight off panic attacks all day. Ended throwing up over my deck railing at 8:30 last night.
Had a good friend come and beat into my head what I already know, but need to hear occasionally. I'm trying to take the blame for all this again. I guess it's just my nature. I tucked it up and now I want to fix it. Thankfully, my little 'spew' seemed to have settled my stomach and I was able to sleep last night.
Good fianancial sense or not, I've got to get out of this house.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Punkin, Please take care of yourself. Nothing is more important than your health.
In time, you'll fix what you have control over and must learn that you will never be able to fix everything. The people here are all fixers of what type or another.
One day at a time!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Doing much, much better. Won't rehash, but explained in Irish's thread. Planning on using it as the name of my next thread - Not the caretaker - Friend kicked me in the a$$ and screwed my head back on. I still have some trepidation, but am feeling so much better. Checked into liquidating my 401K for a downpayment on a home. (Had considered renting a duplex, but they are twice the price I can buy a home, and still have to pay utilities.) Picked out a very cute place to look at Friday.
Would like ( in my dreams ) to quietly purchase this house and move very slowly and quietly into it, so that by the time XH realized I was gone, I'd be gone.
Anyway, I've began gathering boxes from friends and behind local stores to begin packing away what I know I won't need right off the bat.
No more looking back. Only ahead. I had my weekend to grieve and lament and pull my hair out. It's over. SO OVER!
Wish me luck guys and keep your fingers crossed for me, and maybe I can send you pics of new place on alt soon!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Just read Eric's journal of his past few days. It opened a perspective for me.
I have been vacillating between refinancing this house, which I don't want to stay in, just to keep it on the market and make the money it is worth; or saying To Hell With It, and using the money I have in Savings and cashing in my 401K to downpay on a little house in town that I do want. Sensible Punkin says tough it out and stay with this house.
If I move to the other house, and this one goes on the block and doesn't make a dime, I'm already in another home. If it sells for a little profit, so much the better. If it doesn't sell at all, and is foreclosed on, my credit will be ruined no less than if I bought it and couldn't pay for it. At least I would already be in another home. XH will be as hurt by it financially as I. He is the one insisting it be auctioned, and all I have is 3 months to make my decisions/plans for my OWN future.
I believe Eric just discovered, and passed on the information, that there comes a time that the largest consideration in our lives, other than the happiness of our children, is our own happiness, and we have to run with that.
Eric's experience has given me a definite leaning in this decision.
If I am able to forgive my XH for all the pain and betrayal, where in H does he get off being so angry and hateful to me? Still? I know MLC'rs are squirrely, but I think I've overcome much, much more than anything I ever did, real or imagined, to him. Any ideas??
I am not sure about this, but I think the being so angry and hateful is that they feel guilt about what they are doing. But they also feel compulsion, and the conflict between what they think they want and need, and how they are feeling about what they are doing makes them lash out at others.
It is classic stuff. The person you wrong is the one you lash out at. The wronged person can forgive, but forgiving yourself for being horrible is a tough one. Weird, but true. So he is nasty.
He doesn't hate you and it isn't personal though it feels that way. They don't just wake up one morning and decide to be horrible people. The pressures have been building for a long long time. From what you have said your xh has an alcohol problem? A sure indication that all is not well, and hasn't been for a while. People drink heavily usually to block their inner pain.
Punkin, He's not angry w/you, but with himself and his life and what he's done and where he thinks he should be today. It's him and his guilt that he can't run from. He knows that he screwed up and has lost a lot of wonderful companionship, etc., but he's unable to bring himself to admit that he screwed up. His pride is driving his train, which in turn, makes him very angry.
My xh was an angry, hateful man for about 6 years and periodically now spits, but I've learned to speak my peace and I do not back down any longer. That's one nice thing about divorce, once you've gotten your balance, you do not have to take their bs any longer and can go nc, if it suits you.
So ask God to help him find himself and show him the way. That's all you can do. His anger will die down one day when he least expects it and that's when he'll realize what he's lost. But, in the meantime, live your life to the fullest...you are a beautiful person and never forget that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Haven't had much time to get on here and repy but I do keep up with you!
As you know, I have been taking these Dave Ramsey Financial Peace classes...he does not ever recommend borrowing from your 401k...is there something else you can do?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
