Yes you do. We all know right from wrong. It is when we have to do what is right and it hurts, we question what we know. I felt the same way so I know.
The Bible tells us to turn the other cheek. But it does not tell us to keep getting hit (hurt, lied to, etc). You will know when it is time. If you question it, it's not time.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
I've tried searching for your sitch to read up on it but I can't find it. Do you have a link for me?
I am a lot better now, I can say with no question. It's one of the 2 steps forward and 3 steps back type of things.
The thing is, I know he's scared of things going back to the way things were. I completely understand his reservations, if he hurt me the way I hurt him I would feel the same way. I know that. I don't fault him for that. It's hard for me, as a woman, to feel unwanted. That is basically how I feel. I am grateful that he isn't saying "I want a divorce" but I struggle with this no contact/minimal contact. How can I show him things are different if we never spend time together, and our contact is basically via text? This isn't a marriage! I understand that what we had before was not a marriage either.
At what point, do I say, ok well if you are still this torn up inside I'll make it easier on you and walk away? It's been 3 months. I know to a lot of DB'ers here that amount of time is laughable, but to me it isn't. I'm not saying that it's enough time to know without a doubt that you want this, but I feel he should have some sort of idea if he wants to try.
I can't promise him that it won't be hard. I can't promise him that I won't hurt his feelings, but I can promise him that I will give it my all, and that I will never hurt him intentionally.
Am I wasting my time?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
He is probably feeling this way and doesn't want to go to how it was before and it is good that you too don't want to go back to that kind of R.Obviously he was unhappy which resulted you to be unhappy.
Give it time.Yes its hard for him to see that things are different especially if you are not living under the same roof BUT he will find out through friends and family that you adopted a healtier attitude, living life and your not at home crying yourself to sleep (you may be but he should never know). I guess the whole part of DBing is to save a marriage but yourself too.
3 months might be nothing compared to people on the forum, but i bet those 3 months feel like 3 years. Don't worry we all feel like separation is eternity. Men's mind work differently to women,sometimes if they have been unhappy for a while, all they want to do when they are out of it,is to concentrate on other things that keep their mind off it. I believe they put their feelings in a closet and hopes it goes away by ignoring it.
Your definitely not wasting your time. As long as you believe and willing to work on the R even if your the one doing the all work now. You obviously want to make this work (you wouldnt be on this forum if otherwise) but he's been hurt..so it depends on how damaged his heart is will determine how long he might come back around
I looked up your posts too...i couldn't find the original one, as i could find a few from you.
