Back here again - why oh why?

[lovehurts2]

just an update.

Sunday night was civil...he actually made to make a effort to say more than one word to me. No R talk at all.

I thought on monday night i would go out with my best friend for dinner and decided that i'd stay at my parents house, to give him space.

So now that i have arrived home Tue night, again everything was civil, we start talking...and then all of a sudden he starts speaking about R. He keeps mentioning "dont u think its weird your still here?" "When you moving out? you hate the travel to work"

I said to him, yes i hated the travel time to work but i wanted to leave when i was ready. I said to him, if he is feeling that uncomfortable why doesn't he temporary stay at his dad's house down the road. This obviously went into a argument. He kept saying "why should i go , u should go?" and i repeated "if your the one feeling uncomfortable than only u can fix that" He said "i did, i move into the spare room, im not moving out of this house" i mentioned that every time we had a fight over the 8 years, it was always me that had to leave, had to pick up my stuff at the click of the fingers. I just had enough of him pushing me around.

He has agreed to come to counseling but basically to say "yep, i tried everything" not to actually want to hear the therapist out. He also mentioned to me that he will never tell the therapist about his insecurities, that he is there to state why he doesn't want the relationship, and to tell the therapist he wants me out so she can convince me to go (i know she would not do this, as it wouldn't be professional)


I cannot say how C will go, and if he will open up but H is stubborn and he will never go to another C session after this.

I'm at this point, where i look at my H and i think to myself..

Do i want to be with this person for the rest of my life, who doesn't want to move forward or grow in the relationship?

For the last 8 years with every argument, i was always the one fighting for this relationship, having to explain why it was worth being together and it saddens me as i as myself..

Isn't my love worthy to be fought for?