Well, if he wants us to stay (not to sound mercenary) he's going to have to cough up more cash to meet the budget shortfall. I'm not sure he's willing or able to do that...and I don't really care (since I have an amazing safety net with my family). But I am very interested in what the reaction to his realization of the financial cost of his cheating/moving out will be. I don't mind cutting costs and trying to meet him partway on us staying here, but right now I could cut cable, cellphone, and most of our food budget...that doesn't leave much room for doing anything or eating anything. Let alone saving for college, paying health insurance premiums for me if we D, emergency fund, etc. I had savings, gifts, and some income coming in from leave and my head in the sand, so neither of us really had a sense of where I was money-wise.
He's said he'll have to downgrade his apartment regardless of where we live. He's taken a temporary loan from his parents to help him get through this year. We have avoided talk about the future and my place in it. If I pushed, he'd probably say he still wanted a divorce, I think. He's not nearly as broken as your wife seems to be. He's isolating himself from things and just avoiding dealing with it all.
In my mind, he moves into a cheap apartment nearby, we start working towards counseling and reconcilation - if we stay here. That would be what we worked towards. He's got to ask for it, though. It isn't what he wants yet. Oh God, then the hard part would really start.
My question for you - what do you want from your wife? What do you want her to do and what is her goal in apologizing? If she is just doing that bs, I don't want you to be mad at me, I want us to be friends, you're probably reacting in the right way. Goes back and forth, doesn't it? A couple months ago that apology would have meant the world. We're all on such a rollercoaster.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
