Ok so here I go, my next attempt at posting about my situation and hopefully answer everyone's questions. I am so grateful for this support system, and I really appreciate all the feedback - good or bad. 25Years - your life back then sounds so unbelievably familiar. You just described my life to a t - except now I am doing it completely by myself. Wake up early, get both kids fed, dressed, teeth brushed, backpacks packed - drop the little one at daycare, race back to take the big one to the bus stop. Work all day, then race to pick them up from two different daycares, get them home, get dinner, baths and into bed. Add in swimming lessons, and soccer in between and I'm done with by 8pm. Then I try to run around the house tidying, getting school snacks ready for the next day, usually have to catch up on some work as I am always rushing off to get the kids from daycare etc etc. That is 100% my life. And that was my life pre-separation - its pretty much the same now. Except now when H is home, he totally helps out. And he makes the effort to be home BEFORE the kids go to sleep (as the whole point of coming home is to spend time with the kids - not me!). I am totally not against babysitters - we just don't have any!! We have no family in our city - but family only about 20 minutes away. However, my parents live up north at their cottage for half the year, and in the winter when they are home, they won't drive to my house (they say its too far - nice eh?). And my H's parents say they will babysit any time, but every time we ask they are busy - oh and we are not allowed to ask on the weekends, as they have a life. The rest of our family (aka siblings) won't babysit as they have their own children, and all of our friends have their own children so don't want to babysit. I've been trying to find a reliable teenager, but they are in such high demand in my area, that any decent one is impossible to get. It also seems like teenagers don't do much babysitting anymore? I don't maybe its just where I live. Anyways, if I had a babysitter, I would certainly be using one! Would love to go on some 'dates' with H, but he doesn't really think there is any point. The last time I brought it up he told me that going out would be easy, as we would be doing something fun that we enjoy, so we know it would be good so whats the point? I found that odd, but then he went on to say that its harder to spend time together at home - where its not all fun and games - and thats the real test. But the thing is, we have been getting along so fabulously at home too. Even this past saturday, he took the kids to his mom's for dinner and brought them home at bedtime then we just hung out and watched movies etc until like midnight. I know he likes being here and its a huge pain for him having to leave - esp since him mom lives 20 minutes away (where he lives right now). Not that its far, but at midnight when he's falling asleep - driving for 20 minutes is just not fun. But he still goes. So I'm trying to think about how to get him to go on a date without thinking its a date - gotta brainstorm that one.. In terms of 180's, I did so many when we first separated after I read the book, that its hard for me to remember everything I did. Having said that, I firmly believe that the 180's are responsible for us getting along so great right now and for us to have found our intimacy again. He constantly reminds me that he is still totally and completely attracted to me, and that I should never ever doubt that. Basically I made sure I reacted entirely different to how I would have before to everything - and the biggest thing was actually NOT reacting to stuff - not even commenting on something that would normally tick me off etc. I started kissing him goodbye again - hadn't done that in probably a year. Even though he probably didn't want me to kiss him goodbye at first, I did in anyway. Anyways, I am actually running out of ideas for 180's right now, as quite frankly we really don't have much conflict in our lives - in fact I can't even think of one thing right now that is causing us problems. So I guess I need to think of ways to do 180's to make him see what he'd be missing. I'm going to have to think about that some more as well. So trying to GAL, but like I said, its so hard with no help with the kids. I did plan a girls night for Friday night - I used to have girls nights all the time before I had my 2nd baby, but haven't really been in the mood to go to a bar, get dressed up etc.. But I am looking fwd to it, and I've told H all about it. Nothing crazy, and he will be home to watch the kids, and he is always encouraging me to go out and have some fun and is supportive of it etc, but I know he will also secretly worry a bit, which makes me secretly happy. I did go out with a different set of girls about 2 months ago, and he told me afterwards that he hates thinking about me getting hit on at a bar (he's TOTALLY not the jealous type so that was interesting to hear). Anyways, I think I need to plan some regular girls nights, and I am thinking of planning a girls weekend to Montreal or something as well if I can swing it. And I am still doing my bootcamp, and I signed up for a new gym by my house that is scheduled to open in June.
Anyways, I apologize for my very long post - but my posts seem to take several days to approve, so I have several days worth of stuff to write when I do
Also, I love the comment about my old R being over, but there being the possibility of a new marriage - that is so true. All the 180's I have done etc, have actually changed me. They don't even feel like 180's anymore.
Well going to sign off for now - but looking forward to more feedback and suggestion. As good as our relationship 'seems', I am more of a realist than an optimist - so its hard for me to actually see any hope for us based on the words that he tells me. But he's killing me softly right now...
