my h and son gave me necklace

[25yearsmlc]

aside from how wacky & paranoid it sounds to think a mc would deliberately try to destroy your m...(I am shaking my head and asking God for strength as I write this, I am being tested I guess...)

Your theory isn't just inaccurate, it's also self serving and keeps you from doing the WORK that forgiveness takes, AND the WORK that changing your attitude takes. You really don't want to dig inwardly do you? Bet there are no 180's...are there any? Did you READ the DB books? Haev you ever heard the phrase, "fake it til you make it"? IT WORKS! But yeah, you have to work for it to work.

Blaming the MC, for events of 4 years ago, is not realistic, and it's NOT relevant to TODAY...

If anything, I can see why you'd be upset with yourself for being a depressed drag, and letting others tell you what to do instead of taking charge of your life-- (I mean, You couldn't sleep with your h b/c of the tv?--um, NOPE...My h snores like all get out. SO I BOUGHT EAR PLUGS, and you could have done that too. I'm 51 and have peri menopausal "issues" too. I went to see two doctors b/c I wanted my libido back! We are not helpless. And your mc said you should sep for "minor" things you were working on???? Not sleeping with your h for 6 months probably did not feel minor to him, but I'm guessing and...1) I don't buy it and 2) even if true, not her fault. YOURS for not getting a new mc, or for letting her "decide" your life, or for not explaining yourself better.

Stop repeating this pattern of helplessness and blame, b/c it keeps you stuck in a bad place. It's also not consistent.

On one hand you say you won't forgive yourself but in the next breath you blame the mc, or the OW and once in awhile, your h....Look, you are in a dark place you have to get yourself out of. So get a grip. (No, I am NOT someone who tells others to "cast out demons" and sit on my hands hoping God declares others to be evil. I live on earth, and I work on the plank in my own eye...)

If you really felt your depression were responsible for the separation, (and it probably was) why wouldn't you do whatever it takes to
change? You want to have this same attitude ETERNALLY?...I don't believe that. You are in some funk or rut, and if you are not worth it yourself, then you need to put your son's welfare ahead of your pain, and do whatever it takes to move forward.

Please, your son is still watching.