My sons prayer.....

[RedNailPolish]

I met with MIL and H on the weekend. MIL started by asking H and I to state one issue regarding parenting of S3. H stated that he felt that S3 needed more discipline. He went on to explain details of how this made him feel. I validated his point but did say that I was trying my best and it was difficult as S3 and I were staying at my parents house and therefore I could not control how my mum disciplines S3 whilst I am not home. In turn I stated that I felt it was unfair that H was not consistent with the days that he was coming over to see S3. He got to pick and choose which days he would come over and he was always late or cancelled. I could see that he was a little annoyed by this and he tried to reason that he had a busy work schedule. Of course we didnt resolve this issue. But at least I got to say how I felt.

Then MIL asked H and I to state one thing that bothered us about the situation we are in. H took a long time before he answered. At least 5 minutes of silence. My patience kicked in at this point - normally I would have interrupted and said look dont worry about it. But I stayed calm. H then stated that he felt uncomfortable seeing me dressed in my "new clothes". When he has come to pick up S3 from the house I have also been dressed to go out with friends. For the past couple of weeks I have been going out dancing to clubs etc, GAL and just having some fun. He said that one of the tops I was wearing was inapproapriate as he could see my "pink" bra. H stated that I never dressed like this before and he stated that he didnt like it. He said it made him feel jealous and angry. He said that it felt like I was I was trying to make him feel jealous. He felt that I was trying to rub it in his face that I was single and could do what I liked. This took me by surprise and I became a bit defensive. I did backslide as I went into justification mode. He noticed this and got agitated. At this point S3 came back from playing in the park with his uncle. So I did not get to say what bothered me about the situation. It was a good thing really because I think enough had been said.

I didnt feel good about the meeting. MIL said that she thought it went well because H opened up and stated how he felt which he never does. I get what she is saying but it felt like it didnt achieve much. What do you think?

Also I got a little dissapointed when I found out that H wasnt coming to S3 soccer game. Instead he was going to some dance class with OW. He could tell that I was upset. Which he told MIL about. H said that he felt he didnt have much free time so he should get to do what he wants when he gets it.

Over the weekend Ive been thinking alot. I finally got a copy of the DR book. It made a lot of sense. And after reading it I came to the conclusion that I need to do the LRT. That means no more going out with H & S. No more family time. The truth is we are not a family anymore. H has chosen to be with OW and not me. This hit me quite hard on the weekend and I was quite upset by some of the realisations of the situation.

Ive become so much more independent. I have come to understand that no matter what happens I will be ok. H use to tell me that he use to worry that if we ever broke up that I would not be ok. The truth is the person I was in the marriage wouldnt have been ok. But the person I am becoming now is going to be ok. I still have alot of work to do on myself. I have many more goals to achieve and thats what I need to work on.

At this present time I still think way too much about my situation and about H. I really hope that time will heal my wounds and make me stronger. I know that I also need to work on them. I am standing for my marriage but I am also moving on for myself. I am letting go for both H and myself.