my h and son gave me necklace

[25yearsmlc]

I text h last week some negative things i should not have.
[color:#FF0000]Has this EVER produced the results you wanted? What was your real goal in sending those messages?
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How do i forgive and get rid of this anger?

That's the lesson of this, and a question you need to ask God and pray about, seek help with, thru your counselor or doctor, and read all the books on it. Marianne Williamson has a book on Handling Fear & Anger and another one, Return to Love, which helped me with forgiveness. I literally did not know how to do it. Never had to forgive any big deal before. But realize this: If you cannot forgive, then there is no hope for your m. Do you see why?

I was not raised seeing forgiveness. My parents fought, got louder, sometimes violent, and then they'd retreat. I saw no real apologies or forgiveness until my father was on his death bed, filled with regrets.

It's a learned process and an acquired skill. It's part of being a good person. Finally, after going around and around, wanting reassurance that I was "right" and that h was wrong and needed to come home and blah blah blah wasting my breath!!

I knew my anger & pain was consuming ME, and interfering with my r's with the children. I was so pre-occupied and irritable and moody, for too long.

I then heard someone say that "holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes." Wow...

That's when I realized the meaning of the phrase that "forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself". It's not about them. You've heard this many times I know.

It's about setting ourselves free to live well, happily, not weighed down by the baggage of our chains of pain. This is a holy lesson to model for and teach your son. It is NOT about your h, or his actions or condoning or you being a martyr. It's about you being healthy, and moving forward, NOT being stuck the rest of your life.

Do you ever worry about what will happen when a girl breaks up with your son? No doubt some girl will. I fear he'll either never let a girl into his heart OR he'll be crushed...and or bitter and self righteous. What might you teach him, INSTEAD?

I text him pleasant things today and he responded nicely.

Why are you in so much contact with him? Has it gotten him home?


You didn't answer my earlier questions about why your h returned before, only to leave again. What did he SAY were his reasons for leaving, returning, leaving again? What was different when he came home? What would be different NOW? If nothing would be different (as in, you and the M), then why would he return? These are the DB questions about what works and what does not.

I should probably leave him alone now right and focus on my life., like volunteering? It just hurts me knowing that h is going away with ow instead of with his family.

Yes you must leave him alone. It's holding you back. You are not working on yourself so you are in your own way. I mean, if he wanted to come home but to a new, better m, why would he think that would happen? You seem, to be in the same place you were a few months after he left the first time.
Rysmom, God helps those who help themselves. This experience did bring me closer to Him but I did not confuse "standing" with standing still...I had to DO, not sit. I had to make a brave journey inward to see what "plank" was in my own eye, and only focus on that. It's not my job to judge my h. That's God's.

As for "it just hurts me knowing..." then I ask you, how long has it been going on? How long are you going to let that hurt you? Do you see how this is self inflicted? What if he always lives with her? You'll never be happy again?? Your happiness completely depends on the actions of a man you used to live with?

What if he marries her? Or just never comes home? Will you always feel this way? Will your happiness always be subject to whatever HE does/says/feels/thinks/or lack thereof?

IOW, How long will you let yourself be hurt by the actions of someone else?

Have you tried meds?

When I was "circling the drain" and repeating myself, not eating right or sleeping right and just obsessing, boring people in my life who finally told me to snap out of it and make a move (yeah, RYSMOM, I've been there, done that. But my capacity for suffering like that, thank God, was less than yours.)

After my sisters said all that to me, I just decided I had to fully show up for my life, and my kids...) So I got help! So...

WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE?
WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN INSIDE YOUR HEART FOR YOU TO BRAVELY MOVE FORWARD?
ISN'T BEING IN THIS PAIN FOR 4 YEARS, BAD ENOUGH & LONG ENOUGH?

You can make the changes you need. It is ALL up to you.