my h and son gave me necklace

[MrBond]

"How do i forgive and get rid of this anger?"

You've been asking this for three years. You do it by not concentrating on him and concentrating on yourself. Do what you find pleasure in doing. If you're going to volunteer, be sure you do it for you and for helping others. Not because it might get your H back.

"i hated coming back home."
And stop talking in negatives. Quotes like the above just shows all the poison you have in you.

Is it possible to spend more time with your sister? You need time to heal and get all those toxic thoughts out of your system. Re-read glamgirl's post. She let everything go and forgave. Only you can decide how to do that, but YOU have to take a step to WANT to forgive.

You have to want it as much as it hurts to do so. And then stick with it. The pain will lessen when you see the light at the top of the hole that you've buried yourself into. But you have to WANT to get out of the hole.