Why does everyone feel the need to say something? The notary and the court clerk were both wishing me well. I know they mean to be nice, but everyone’s looking at me like I’ve just been told I’ve got three weeks to live.
Filing was a trip. They have the clerk’s window in the main foyer where the security check point is located, so people were going through magnetometers and banging plastic tubs about five feet from the window and the sound was echoing all around the foyer. Plus the window is at eye level, but the grate that one talks through is at the level of the clerk’s seat, about four feet from the ground, which means I had to bend over (and I’m short) to speak or even hear what she said. So I was crouching in this noisy hallway, hollering through a grate about how I wanted to file a petition for dissolution of marriage within earshot of every person who could possibly have a reason to enter the courthouse. It was pretty comical. I would have been mortified if I cared what those total strangers thought.
Before I went to file, I did sent H an email to let him know that I was moving forward with it. That I was sorry for my part in things not working out, and that I hoped we could be friends again some day. As much as I don't want to give him a blow by blow of what I'm doing, I did want to be specific that it is still my intention to D. No matter how silent or hurt or whatever he is, I still do care about him... just can't be married to him anymore.
