The ride to the big city was awkward, and there was clearly tension.
During dinner she seemed annoyed by everything and automatically shut me down every time I tried to make conversation. Yet she had the nerve to blame me for the awkwardness and kept insisting that it was my responsibility to come up with good conversation. Only to shoot me down if I said anything else.
She said that I was getting overwhelmingly annoying, and she didn't know why. (Huh what about that huge fight we left unresolved, and just brushed underneath the carpet....) She kept saying she didn't know what the point was of us staying together. All I could do was shrug my shoulders. At one point she started aggressively blaming the awkwardness of the night on me, to which I lost my cool and replied with "how are we supposed to have a good conversation, if you keep ignoring or belittling everything I say!". At this point she said that we should not discuss that in the restaurant, we dropped it for the night.
Afterwards we went to a movie, but got there way early. So we went for a walk, it was really nice, and we were having a good time. Of course she couldn't let that happen! So she brought up that if we didn't work out she would have to do one of two things. Either do porn, or rejoin the military. I have heard this dumb speech before so I didn't pay much attention to it. Long story short the speech goes along the lines of I don't want to do porn, but the military is soo restrictive, and her feet are still bad, that it seems like the only logical choice is porn. I'm not sure if she tries to get a rise out of me with this speech, or is looking for pity but I gave her neither.
I calmly told her: Well you know what my recommendation would be, and that you don't have to even get to that point. Ultimately though it's your choice, and despite you saying you don't want it you seem to have made up your mind on which of the two is better. She then tried to explain her position (why porn seemed better) I told her: It is your decision, it will affect you, not me so you don't have to convince me. I think I handled this quite well...
She said sorry for bringing it up and I changed the subject, about a minute later we went back in and we both got cherry icee's. She seemed in such a good mood after getting her frozen treat. (I love how she is such a little kid sometimes, I guess the flipside of that is being immature). The rest of the night went well we watched the movie, and took the long drive home. We listened to our favorite bands together (which I know is major bonding time for us). When we got home there was a package waiting for us, it was some bags she had ordered. She seemed overexcited and modeled the bags she got for me for a couple of minutes before we both got ready and went to bed.
you have gotten some GREAT advice here. How about taking some of it?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
you have gotten some GREAT advice here. How about taking some of it?
GB - I just spent some time reading some of your thread. I did read the first few entries that describe what is going on. It is a complex sitch for sure.
Listen man, I know just how difficult it is to actually follow some of the advice the DB/DR, 25, Country and 9 have given you. Trust me, I do. But I also know that this advice works if you follow it and give it a chance.
Country gave you a list of 35 or so basic DB rules. Read that... and then read it again. You need to be applying these rules. I started out with them and they are a great way to get started.
GAL - I know that you are being pounded by advice to GAL. This is the hardest one for me right now too. That being said, I can also tell you that my experience doing it in December and January made me realize that it works in multiple ways. GAL to make yourself feel better about YOU. Trust me, it will. Even if you have to force yourself to go do stuff. GAL to make yourself appear somewhat mysterious. This works as well. If you are out doing stuff, your W will begin to wonder what you are doing. And, most likely, she will start to wonder if she is losing her grip on you. (which she has right now).
I honestly don't know what to tell you about you giving your W permission to seek out OPs. My W engaged in a R, A, whatever you want to call it depending on your perspective. LOL... Either way, the fact of this R was absolutely painful to me. And it has made reconciling very, very difficult. While I am willing to forgive my W for this R, I don't know that I wouldn't consider setting a boundary if I were in your current sitch.
A Boundary though is something that you will need to be willing to back up with action on the set out consequences... if you do it. No OP's W or you will have to move out of the home... for example.
I just don't know how your sitch gets better as long as W is still actively seeking this out.
On the other hand, sometimes we have to drop the rope. I look at this as really, really detaching and moving on, to some degree, with my own life. Putting the outcome of your sitch in the hands of a higher power... whatever that is for you. Recognizing that you do not control your W, her actions, or her choices... and letting go ... Google the Serenity Prayer. It helps.
Your problem as I see if GB is that you don't have a clear plan as to what you are doing. You have to come up with one and then set small goals to measure progress. But what you are doing is NOT working man. And the bottom line with DB is to do WHAT WORKS.
I will try to keep up on your sitch as much as I can. I'm going through a rough patch with my own sitch so I just haven't had the emotional energy to really give thoughtful advice to others lately. So I apologize if I am in and out.
Hang in there. Time and Patience are the ultimate keys to this ... however it turns out.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Quick update The last 24-48 hours have been very hurtful. Last night she tried to force herself to ml to me, and turned right around before I even realized that's what she wanted. It was turn off to find me reading card related articles, and then when I got up to stop her, she said my breath was terrible. (Appearantly my breath was a deal breaker twice last night). She then asked if she could have the bedroom to herself and went in to take care of herself. (At least she did it by herself...)
Of course that really HURT! Then again based on all the mean things she had said all weekend I wasn't surprised. I swear when she is in the mood and doesn't want me she can be so mean...
On the other hand, as Young at Heart said sex between us would not have been a good thing. It would just have been forced, and thus reinforced the notion that we have bad sex. We need real make up sex the type a couple has when all they can think of is being with each other, not "I have no choice, but you" sex. Were not ready.....
She has spent all weekend being moody, and even when I was gone for 6 hours GALing and came back she was still moody.
So yeah I SUPER detached..... I have been reading by myself, (and not DB books and such) on the computer on my own, and watching TV. Last night she threw a fit because I didn't have exciting plans for us. I told her there was nothing I can do, the town was boring, but we could find something for us to do. She got all moody, so I found something for ME to do. More reading....
(The last part was not a blow by blow as I have been doing before, but I am too exhausted and hurt to do a long entry)
So yeah I have super detached, today she asked me if I was ok. I told her in a peppy voice I was fine. She said I seemed depressed. I told her I wasn't but that I was very hurt because of the way she had been treating me all weekend, and just thought it would be better if we didn't spend much time together. After all she had said she couldn't stand being around me. (She has said a lot of mean things, from insulting me to calling me useless, and it goes on and on)
I've spent most of the day reading, and getting my stuff ready for the big move. She on the other hand keeps trying to get my attention. I politely give it to her temporarily and then detach again.
Ok so I have been getting asked for a plan:
1. Get the house ready for the move. It's moving time again and a lot of work has to get done. I will get started now, it'll keep me busy and away despite being in the same house.
2. Will do more alone reading time, one of things I gave up for her was reading. She is always complaining about being bored, so I always felt like I had to give up all my free time to keep her entertained. (It has partially been a jealousy thing too since I have always worried that she may use my GAL time to cheat on me).
3. Will do my best not to cave in when she is "bored". We always get into fights because I am trying to please her and nothing is good enough for her. I need to take an attitude of this is what it is, so accept me for who I am, and what I can do for you. Me trying so hard to keep her entertained does not make her appreciate me. If she is so bored she can just leave on her own. (I super worry she will use this time to cheat, but oh well after how mean she has been I just don't care). Ultimately though I think she will just throw a fit, and stay home....
4. I need to learn to not let her tantrums control me.... not sure how I can do this, but this is important.
5. Need to tell her how I feel....by this I mean if something is bothering me I need the guts to tell her, specially to stop.
The goal right now is detach.... I just find it so hard, after all were trying to get along again right? So ignoring her seems so counterintuitive. Then again after all she has said I am reminded how unappreciated I am, so despite my fears that detachment will further driver her away I think it needs to be done.
I know that after I told her that I was upset about the hurtful things she said, she got real quiet and started to think to herself. She has been trying to "cute herself up to me" again. She has done this before, but I guess it is only a temporary measure to win me back, and not indicative of permanent change. SIGH
I swear I think I'm starting to know what a lot of WAS feel.
6. Tomorrow I will go to the music store, and see if I can get that cable I have been needing to hook up my guitar to my computer. It's time to finally start learning.
7. Will continue coffee with my buddy daily, and I will continue getting her a cup afterwards. I am detaching but need to show her somehow I still care.
That's all I have for now.... God she has me upset this weekend. It's like it finally has given me the impetus to truly detach.... I know it's not good to use resentment, but it will help for now. I know she will try to make things better, I hope I can stick to the changes, until she truly deserves me.
Some others with more experience that me have been giving you some great advice.
A couple of thoughts.
"Actions and not words" You might want to memorize that and say it every time you feel frustrated. Your wife seems to need to lash out with words in ways that are designed to try to make you angry. As others have said, you can get sucked into that, or you detach your emotional response and examine what she is saying and maybe even why she is saying what she does. I am unsure of why your wife is doing that, but mine did it whenever she felt things were too comfortable and she needed to try to create emotional distance.
As usual, you have good insights, "...I need to learn to not let her tantrums control me.... not sure how I can do this, but this is important."
Another good insight was that sex with her would have probably not ended up well, as much as you may have wanted it.
One of the things that MWD says, that I really believe in is that forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. Right now you sound like you are angry with your wife. Remember that she is in an MLC, confused about her sexuality, marriage, and all kinds of things. While the way she is handling it (or not handling the situation) is causing you a lot of stress, she is the one who is really lost (not you). She is probably not trying to hurt you as much as she is trying to make herself feel better.
As to a plan, how about some goals related to the following topics:
What will you be doing the first week toward GAL in your new duty station? Have you found a bicycle tour/trip you would like to take (with or without your wife that she is in shape to do)?
Have you found a standard or sprint Triathlon that is within a couple months of your arriving that you can start thinking about, training for, and looking forward to competing in?
Have you identified the relationship books you want to read over the next 3 months and figured out how to get them from the libraries or purchase them?
Have you lined up an IC for yourself once you get to your new station and the move is over? Moving is stressful and your wife is likely to react badly to the stress, so having an IC lined up to talk to might be very helpful and one less stress for you to deal with then.
Have you asked about a sex therapist at your new station who might be able to help you and your wife, once she is ready for that?
Are there any kick-ass music concerts near your next posting this summer that you want to try to plan into your summer activities and get tickets for?
How long do you think you should give your wife to get her act together? One year from now, two years, 18 months? You don't have to tell her yet and you don't have to cast it in concrete, but you should be thinking about it for your happiness.
What have you thought about "boundaries" in regards to your wife? Thinking about boundaries and working them into your plan would probably be good.
Again, others are probably in a better position to advice you that I am, but these were just a few things I thought of that might help.
While I would not try to talk about the R, I would try to make sure that she was feeling loved in her languages of love. Again, others may know better, but to me a NMMNG is strong, makes sure he gets what he and his family needs and doesn't either get pulled into being needy around his wife nor chasing her; but he also is a pillar of support for her emotional health (i.e he makes her feel like she is valued).
One of the strangest things I was told was to not take my wife's sexual rejections personally, that she wasn't trying to hurt me. It sure felt personal and aimed at hurting me, but later I understood that she too was hurting and her lashing out at me was not a personal attack (even if it felt that way at the time.)
Good luck. Figure out how to add some fun to your life. Figure out how to not get pulled into her roller coaster rides. I thought you did a great job when she discussed a possible career on porn.
Keep up the good work, you will find happiness.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Oh man, on one hand I want to slap you for putting up with all this, OTOH, I want to just hug you for trying so hard to be a good man...so that, in a sentence, is my dilemma. How to DB in this situation. I REALLY would like a moderator to step in here or for you to get a DB coach...let's check a few things I do feel fairly confident about...
Originally Posted By: greenblue90
Quick update The last 24-48 hours have been very hurtful. Last night she tried to force herself to ml to me, and turned right around before I even realized that's what she wanted. Not clear. She "allowed" it to begin but made it clear she did not "want" it. That hurt you...is this accurate? If so, ouch. Dang...
It was turn off to find me reading card related articles, IOW, she was turned off by what YOU were reading? Card game info? Why on earth do you have to care what she thinks of it? Why does she care? I mean, it's not porn. I don't get it.
and then when I got up to stop her, she said my breath was terrible. (Appearantly my breath was a deal breaker twice last night). She then asked if she could have the bedroom to herself and went in to take care of herself. (At least she did it by herself...) Geez...ouch!!
Of course that really HURT! Then again based on all the mean things she had said all weekend I wasn't surprised. I swear when she is in the mood and doesn't want me she can be so mean... evidently.
On the other hand, as Young at Heart said sex between us would not have been a good thing. It would just have been forced, and thus reinforced the notion that we have bad sex. We need real make up sex t[i]he type a couple has when all they can think of is being with each other, not "I have no choice, but you" sex. Were not ready.....[/i]
how about sex that just feels loving and connected? Doesn't have to be all the fireworks of July 4th each & every time, but at least an act of love. She has spent all weekend being moody, and even when I was gone for 6 hours GALing and came back she was still moody. Clearly you are NOT the reason she is moody.
So yeah I SUPER detached..... I have been reading by myself, (and not DB books and such) on the computer on my own, and watching TV. Last night she threw a fit because I didn't have exciting plans for us. I told her there was nothing I can do, the town was boring, but we could find something for us to do. She got all moody, so I found something for ME to do. More reading....
QUESTION: WHY ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR HER BOREDOM?? Why are you the entertainment master? When you guys move and have all these expectations that EXTERNAL FACTORS will make you both happy, well, what it if rains overseas? What if she doesn't like the people? What if the culture or language makes her feel alienated? What if she hates museums or the winters are hard? Won't that be your fault too? To that way of thinking, you could just as likely turn it on her and say "Hey Why haven't YOU created an entertaining night for ME?"
It's not a healthy or fair dynamic. You were not forcing her to listen to you lecture about the history of pottery or card playing, were you? ..You were reading, TO YOURSELF...wth?
(The last part was not a blow by blow as I have been doing before, but I am too exhausted and hurt to do a long entry)
So yeah I have super detached, today she asked me if I was ok. I told her in a peppy voice I was fine. She said I seemed depressed. I told her I wasn't but that I was very hurt because of the way she had been treating me all weekend, and just thought it would be better if we didn't spend much time together. After all she had said she couldn't stand being around me. (She has said a lot of mean things, from insulting me to calling me useless, and it goes on and on) \ This looks passive aggressive, or worse. First, she knowingly insults you and really goes for the low blows, & cuts you to the core as a man.
Then she acts as if she's concerned, or curious, and she asks if you are ok and she says you seem depressed? WHAT?? You're not depressed in the clinical sense (she might be) but no one in their right mind would feel good about the interactions you two had that weekend. For her to act As if she has nothing to do with it, seems cruel. Or at least really odd. Has she been diagnosed with any psych label? Why'd she get out of the service? Oh, and her threats to become a prostitute, are so out of whack and overtly manipulative, the only thing I can't wrap my brain around is her damn goal in saying it. What am I missing? why would she say that to you?
I've spent most of the day reading, and getting my stuff ready for the big move. She on the other hand keeps trying to get my attention. I politely give it to her temporarily and then detach again. I don't know what that means...getting your attention? You mean she's bored?
Ok so I have been getting asked for a plan:
1. Get the house ready for the move.
2. Will do more alone reading time, one of things I gave up for her was reading. She is always complaining about being bored, so I always felt like I had to give up all my free time to keep her entertained. (It has partially been a jealousy thing too since I have always worried that she may use my GAL time to cheat on me). What?? You won't get a life b/c if you do, she might cheat. But if you don't, then she might cheat, b/c she's bored and dissatisfied and you are not bringing much to the table except your needs. What a catch 22 you have created.. You simply have to give DBing a real chance, and GAL is key. Don't let so many of your choices be dictated by your FEARS...fear based choices are our worst ones, and it's no way to live.
3. Will do my best not to cave in when she is "bored". We always get into fights because I am trying to please her and nothing is good enough for her. This is good in theory but you are phrasing it as a "do NOT do" rather than what you WILL do instead...make sense? Come up with pro=active ways to keep her from sucking you in.
I need to take an attitude of this is what it is, so accept me for who I am, and what I can do for you. Me trying so hard to keep her entertained does not make her appreciate me. If she is so bored she can just leave on her own. (I super worry she will use this time to cheat, but oh well after how mean she has been I just don't care). Ultimately though I think she will just throw a fit, and stay home.... Try to word this as an affirmative goal. Not a complaint or description of more of her behavior. I mean I know you're hurting a lot. But this isn't so much a GOAL here, and if you want it to be, let's structure it like one, okay? 4. I need to learn to not let her tantrums control me.... not sure how I can do this, but this is important. Once again, this is a "do NOT do" task, as opposed to a goal of action. Re=structure it so it's more like, for instance, "I will leave the room when discussions spiral downward" or "I will remain calm in my discussions and if I find that too difficult, I will leave the room"...
5. Need to tell her how I feel....by this I mean if something is bothering me I need the guts to tell her, specially to stop. This is very good. When you do it, try to keep the feedback specific to what she did THEN and THERE. Sometimes we start to pile on, and then we lose the argument b/c we over did it. But most of us can handle being told that something we did was inappropriate, hurtful, came out wrong, wasn't kind, etc...but none of us can handle being blamed for everything and getting negative feedback x 369 and a list of grievances that the other person has been making for 8 years...see the difference? Keep it simple and manageable for her to apologize for, and for you to let it go.
The goal right now is detach.... I just find it so hard, after all were trying to get along again right? So ignoring her seems so counterintuitive. Then again after all she has said I am reminded how unappreciated I am, so despite my fears that detachment will further driver her away I think it needs to be done.
I know that after I told her that I was upset about the hurtful things she said, she got real quiet and started to think to herself. She has been trying to "cute herself up to me" again. She has done this before, but I guess it is only a temporary measure to win me back, and not indicative of permanent change. SIGH
I swear I think I'm starting to know what a lot of WAS feel. Yes I bet you do. I hope you won't wait til you have no love for her left at all, before you let her know she's going to lose you. IOW, my mil left my fil years ago. BEFORE I knew them...but she told me she had stayed with him as long as she could..."until I hated him"...so when she left him, He was hit by a ton of bricks and suddenly he WOKE UP and he changed and stopped drinking and went to counselling etc etc...but it was too late. SHe had nothing left for him. So in THAT situation, had she left him before she hated him, then maybe she'd have returned upon seeing the changes he did make. But she waited too long. She thought that staying til the bitter end" was the right thing to do but really, if she'd left him earlier they might have worked it out. Don't know if this is clear, but in your case, I think your w will treat you this way as long as it's tolerated. True, she might mistreat you no matter what. But if she knows you might plan a life without her and move on and she risks losing you, it might be what is needed for her to get help and start trying. Your friend said "something had to happen" and in that sense, I agree. I don't see her spontaneously improving for no apparent reason...sorry.
6. Tomorrow I will go to the music store, and see if I can get that cable I have been needing to hook up my guitar to my computer. It's time to finally start learning.
7. Will continue coffee with my buddy daily, and I will continue getting her a cup afterwards. I am detaching but need to show her somehow I still care.
That's all I have for now.... God she has me upset this weekend. It's like it finally has given me the impetus to truly detach.... I know it's not good to use resentment, but it will help for now. I know she will try to make things better, I hope I can stick to the changes, until she truly deserves me.
Good luck, soldier on.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
lots of great advice, generally. But here in GB's case, I just don't see that many similarities to your sitch as I understand it. In GB's m, she tells him to his face she does want sex, BUT NOT WITH HIM. She directly insults him repeatedly.
I think that would be impossible not to take personally. She also threatens to become a prostitute, and tells him he repulses her and I'm not going to go line by line and make him feel any worse.
IMO, your advice is perfectly geared for a woman with low sex drive, whereas his w has a HD, but wants other people, AND NOT HIM.
Imo she has had all the power in this m, and she misused it. This soldier served us overseas for over a year and comes back to this?
He deserves better treatment from her. Speaking in her LL is fine and always advisable. But I think his constantly trying to please her has not worked. It has only enabled her to behave atrociously AND it's not getting better, it's getting worse. And she's just as miserable and bored.
DBing is about doing what works, and NOT doing what does not work.
If you are not sure what IS working, GB, then notice what makes things worse, and by worse, let's look at how YOU feel and not her. B/C we're here for you. Don't wait til you hate her, before you show her the way.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Ok so I mentioned some things from yesterday, but I will reiterate them again for continuity purposes.
Woke up yesterday still a little angry. Showered got ready, and made myself a hearty peanut butter jelly and banana sandwhich. (part of my efforts to show her I'm not as hopeless as she likes to think. ) since she has been sleeping on the couch she noticed I wasn't having cereal. I know this must have shaken her somehow to see me make something decent. I was nice, a little cheerful. She asked what my plans were, I want to work around the house today. She was a little surprised. She asked any Other plans? I said no and went about doing my things. Cleaned up the garage, and came in to take a break. Saw she was still sleeping so I went to the bedroom to read.
That's when she said I seemed depressed. I told her I wasn't but I didn't like how she had been treating me, so I was giving her the space she asked for. She got real quiet and looked down. I had to super fight the urge to "make things better. (afterall I am not at fault, but the nice guy in me hates seeing her upset). She tried changing the subject I just politely let the conversation trail off and went back to reading.
After this I decided to shred the last 6 months worth of junk mail and Personal documents. During these couple of hours she kept coming to hang out with me. I tried to make polite conversation but tried to focus on the task at hand. I could tell she wanted Attention. At one point she said that were going to spend a lot of time apart in the next duty station, and that it was a good thing. I agreed (that's a 180 for me). A little bit later she asked what would happen if she got a job in a different city overseas. I told her if she earned enough to pay the rent and cover the additional expenses it would be ok.
Another 180, she's mentioned things like this in the past and I havent reacted well. The way I figure it why be married if she will take a job away from me that barely pays her rent in a new city. We hardly see each other as it is. In the past this had led to fights as she tries to defend her choice of taking a job is not even there.... I brushed it off and told her she could, that I didn't care as long as she made ends meet. Once again this response took her back.
To prove my point a few weeks ago she decided she wanted to be a roadie for her favorite foreign band. She announced this to me and told me it would mean she would be away a lot. In the past I would have flipped and told her no, or at least tried to discourage it. She would then get mad at me. Instead I just told her it was ok. She was going to try to get a job when she went to go see them live. Heres the catch my W is under 100lbs, not strong like most roadies, doesn't even speak the band's language, and the band most likely already has hundreds of qualified roadies wanting that job. Oh and who even said there was a vacancy?! So I pretended to be excited, and told her I'd demand tickets for every show. To which she said she'd see what she could do. Long story short she never even printed a resume to take with her.
Lesson learned: she is in MLC mode and does not know what she wants, she thinks of all these crazy things she'd rather be doing. The fog makes it to where she can't see how silly some of these things are, or how daunting the sacrifice would be. If I try to get in the way or point out, the flaws in her thinking she just blames me for holding her back. Instead I just let her see for herself how silly her plans are. (the porn thing falls in this category too)
Anyway back to yesterday, so she kept hovering around me, and following me around the house until eventually she decided she needed to shower. 3 hours later, she comes out looking beautiful and clearly ready to go out. I don't pay much attention to her, and she sits next to me on the couch places her legs over mine, and puts her head on my chest. We both watch tv lime this without saying a word.
Clearly she was in make up mode. The rest of the evening she was super sweet and super nice. I saw in her the version of my W that I truly miss. It was like she was back. She even asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I thought it was a trap, so I hastily reponded. "what's the point there's nothing good in this hellhole". All she said calmly was "I know whatever we eat is fine" So I suggested chili's, again knowing fulwell that she would most likely complain about that being boring. All she said was "that sounds good". I guess that little speech of "this is all we got deal with it" the day before, paid off. Either way we had a delightful evening.
Although to be honest I know this is temporary, she was probably feeling guilty. I guess for now the plan is to reinforce good behavior on her part by being sweet and loving when she is too, and to discourage bad behavior by majorly detaching when she loses it. Detaching seems to get the point across specially since in the past my response to conflict was giving her extra attention.
I know some here will smack me for being nice to her, but I don't want discourage good behavior. I am continuing plans to GAL and detach in other ways.
I have been doing some research on this whole not attracted to you bit to other people thing and I think I have some neat new insights I'll share them soon. I also need to respond to 25's and young's comments.
I support you doing what makes you happy, for good.
fwiw, yes the idea of her getting a job overseas in a different city, DOES beg the question "then why be married?" Ever ask that question?
Due to your w's age & other factors, "MLC" might not be the term so much as immaturity is. I don't mean to insult her by saying that, but it's really the least objectionable way of saying it. And MLC just doesn't fit at her age, with these issues. But no matter, your approach is the same and you're learning a lot I think. GB, If you truly know your choices are not fear driven, then I wish you all the best.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
