Ok so I mentioned some things from yesterday, but I will reiterate them again for continuity purposes.
Woke up yesterday still a little angry. Showered got ready, and made myself a hearty peanut butter jelly and banana sandwhich. (part of my efforts to show her I'm not as hopeless as she likes to think. ) since she has been sleeping on the couch she noticed I wasn't having cereal. I know this must have shaken her somehow to see me make something decent. I was nice, a little cheerful. She asked what my plans were, I want to work around the house today. She was a little surprised. She asked any Other plans? I said no and went about doing my things. Cleaned up the garage, and came in to take a break. Saw she was still sleeping so I went to the bedroom to read.
That's when she said I seemed depressed. I told her I wasn't but I didn't like how she had been treating me, so I was giving her the space she asked for. She got real quiet and looked down. I had to super fight the urge to "make things better. (afterall I am not at fault, but the nice guy in me hates seeing her upset). She tried changing the subject I just politely let the conversation trail off and went back to reading.
After this I decided to shred the last 6 months worth of junk mail and Personal documents. During these couple of hours she kept coming to hang out with me. I tried to make polite conversation but tried to focus on the task at hand. I could tell she wanted Attention. At one point she said that were going to spend a lot of time apart in the next duty station, and that it was a good thing. I agreed (that's a 180 for me). A little bit later she asked what would happen if she got a job in a different city overseas. I told her if she earned enough to pay the rent and cover the additional expenses it would be ok.
Another 180, she's mentioned things like this in the past and I havent reacted well. The way I figure it why be married if she will take a job away from me that barely pays her rent in a new city. We hardly see each other as it is. In the past this had led to fights as she tries to defend her choice of taking a job is not even there.... I brushed it off and told her she could, that I didn't care as long as she made ends meet. Once again this response took her back.
To prove my point a few weeks ago she decided she wanted to be a roadie for her favorite foreign band. She announced this to me and told me it would mean she would be away a lot. In the past I would have flipped and told her no, or at least tried to discourage it. She would then get mad at me. Instead I just told her it was ok. She was going to try to get a job when she went to go see them live. Heres the catch my W is under 100lbs, not strong like most roadies, doesn't even speak the band's language, and the band most likely already has hundreds of qualified roadies wanting that job. Oh and who even said there was a vacancy?! So I pretended to be excited, and told her I'd demand tickets for every show. To which she said she'd see what she could do. Long story short she never even printed a resume to take with her.
Lesson learned: she is in MLC mode and does not know what she wants, she thinks of all these crazy things she'd rather be doing. The fog makes it to where she can't see how silly some of these things are, or how daunting the sacrifice would be. If I try to get in the way or point out, the flaws in her thinking she just blames me for holding her back. Instead I just let her see for herself how silly her plans are. (the porn thing falls in this category too)
Anyway back to yesterday, so she kept hovering around me, and following me around the house until eventually she decided she needed to shower. 3 hours later, she comes out looking beautiful and clearly ready to go out. I don't pay much attention to her, and she sits next to me on the couch places her legs over mine, and puts her head on my chest. We both watch tv lime this without saying a word.
Clearly she was in make up mode. The rest of the evening she was super sweet and super nice. I saw in her the version of my W that I truly miss. It was like she was back. She even asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I thought it was a trap, so I hastily reponded. "what's the point there's nothing good in this hellhole". All she said calmly was "I know whatever we eat is fine" So I suggested chili's, again knowing fulwell that she would most likely complain about that being boring. All she said was "that sounds good". I guess that little speech of "this is all we got deal with it" the day before, paid off. Either way we had a delightful evening.
Although to be honest I know this is temporary, she was probably feeling guilty. I guess for now the plan is to reinforce good behavior on her part by being sweet and loving when she is too, and to discourage bad behavior by majorly detaching when she loses it. Detaching seems to get the point across specially since in the past my response to conflict was giving her extra attention.
I know some here will smack me for being nice to her, but I don't want discourage good behavior. I am continuing plans to GAL and detach in other ways.
I have been doing some research on this whole not attracted to you bit to other people thing and I think I have some neat new insights I'll share them soon. I also need to respond to 25's and young's comments.
